Dear Guys!

Hiya friends…welcome back. So I wanted to do a follow up on my post that went up about relationships (I called it…Relation-shits! Cause I’m punny). This is some more advice from my odd brain to you, whether or not you take it is completely up to you.

I’m going to make this really simple, and no I don’t mean to oversimplify women at all, but sometimes I think you guys just make it too damn hard. Are we complicated as all hell? Oh, yeah. Does that mean you can’t figure out the puzzle? Nope! Buckle up gents, here is your crash course on all things female.

Five Things Girls Want Guys to Know

We aren’t as complicated as you think.

Puzzle Piece

Seriously, why do you insist on making it harder for yourselves? Girls are NOT as complicated as you think, I repeat, NOT AS COMPLICATED! I’m about to give you the holy grail of tips dude…are you paying attention…we give you the answers. When you ask “I don’t know what you want.” Chances are you do, she probably told you. When a girl is angry with you she will give you ALL the information you need. Seriously, the who, what, where, when, and why…most times she’ll even tell you how to fix it. I’m telling you, man, it’s like an open book test, you already have the answers.

We know we can be crazy.

We live this shit…we know we have our moments. Show me a girl who says “I’ve never acted crazy” and I’ll show you a liar. (See, I’m not blaming you for everything) Every girl out there can recall once when she flew off the handle and knows that her reaction did not fit the offense. It’s a fact of life, dude. People have strong emotions at times, what makes us adults is that we recognize this fact and will apologize (unless there is a legit reason you deserved it). But when you say “girls are crazy,” it’s so much fun for us to remind you of the time you threw the Xbox controller because Master Chief got sticky bombed AGAIN. Crazy happens, and not just to women.

We hate the period as much as you (if not more).

Period Chocolate

This one really annoys me. I’m lucky Hobbs gets it, seriously, the man has no problem buying tampons or pads, it’s amazing. If you’re still unclear on this, let me defog it for ya, WE HATE OUR PERIOD. There is nothing fun or good about it, it sucks. Between the sneeze leaks and the cramps that make us wanna dig out our uterus with rusty spoons, it’s just not our idea of a good time. We also are aware that Satan’s waterfall will inevitably start at the most inopportune time. Here’s the issue you need to work on…stop acting like a baby when it’s brought up, or when it happens. We got over it, and you can too. Join our club, it’s more fun and we ALWAYS have chocolate.

We need to feel with you.

I don’t just mean this in the physical sense, what I mean is that we’re a team. It’s us against the world, or at least that’s what it should be. Decisions are difficult to make alone, imagine if you had someone who was interested in seeing you succeed, oh wait…you do! Don’t shut us out, when you’re in a relationship you should never feel uncomfortable being vulnerable with the person you’re with. Trust me, it’s not easy but in the end, it’ll create a stronger, tighter bond. Isn’t that what we all want?

We want to be your place.

Home is you

This one is difficult for some people and I think I get why. Let me try to explain. You know the saying “Wherever you are, that’s my home?” We want to be your home, we are a safe place to land. If you let us we can and will give you the world, and the only thing you need to do is show us love. It’s really simple, you’re our home, our life and love all wrapped up in one incredibly handsome package (we’re biased, we know). We want you to know that we are there, the ride or die that you’ve been looking for? Well look no further my friend, you’ve found her. All ready to be the woman you can count on through anything….just add love. Simple recipe, you should try it sometime.

So there you have it, my five tips for all the guys out there. It’s a pretty simple thing when you take all the complicated shit out. Relationships are tough work, but there is absolutely no reasons to make them harder. Until next time…



Hiya friends, welcome back. I’m not really sure how to start this so I’m just gonna jump right in. No relationship is perfect, and the worst thing you can do is compare yours to someone else’s.

Whoa, wait…maybe I should back up and start from the beginning. I have a friend who has a girlfriend, well I guess she might be an ex by the time you guys read this, but I digress. For the past year, actually probably longer than that with more than just this girl, he has been asking me for help or advice or an ear to vent to. Which in turn has inspired this new idea of mine. I’m going to put my thoughts on relationships, or sometimes what I like to call relation-shits (see what I did there?), on here and then I can just refer said friend to the page that applies to his current issue. It’s a purely selfish attempt on my part to get more views…and y’know I’m a nice person so I like to help people and stuff.

Now back to what I was saying. I am absolutely by no means some relationship guru, but I’ve been married for almost seven years so I’d like to think I have more than just a rudimentary knowledge of how relationships work. I’ve kept this one chugging along without any major breakdowns, so that’s gotta count for something right?

The first thing I learned quickly is…stop comparing yours to theirs. (I swear I don’t mean that in a sexual way) Get your mind out of the gutter and hear me out. The quickest way to kill something wonderful is by wondering why Tammy down the street got a car for Valentine’s Day, while you only got the .99 cent card they picked up at the last minute. Why did they grab something at the last minute? Because they were busy, it happens. It doesn’t mean you aren’t important to them, jeez calm down. My big question here is why are people equating their value as a person with the value of a card? That’s not their problem, it’s yours homie. Side note, a big fancy gift doesn’t equal a big fancy love.

Which is a nice way to get to my next lesson…the movies make big fancy loves look glamorous and almost unattainable. In reality, my big fancy love looks like a Star Trek flag for our house because he knew it would make me laugh. It looks like me sitting through hours of Ancient Aliens because he really is a nerd. It’s sweatpants, video games, ridiculous movies, and stupid gifts. It’s the .99 cent card because he says he loves me every day. (So much cheese but it really is the truth) Big fancy loves are tailor-made my friends, be the tailor.

How about this one…fighting happens. No one goes through a relationship without a little turbulence. Honestly, this takes me back to the first one if you think one of your friends lives in perpetually happy relationship bliss, you’re wrong. Every couple fights, some are just better at hiding it than others. Hobbs and I have a rule, we fight in the four walls of our house. If we have plans we put on a happy face, play the happily married couple for two hours, but then second we walk back into our house…dude, it’s on like Donkey Kong (I’m so bringing that back). We don’t fight in public, but if you’re in our space you will hear us argue. And I can tell you this with all the certainty in the world, we will not hide the arguments from our children. I think it’s important for our family to understand people fight, but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less. Arguments don’t mean a lack of love, and no arguments don’t mean an overabundance of love.

Let’s see what other wisdom can I share? Oh, your significant other does not determine who you are. You share a last name, or a home, or a family, you do NOT share a body, or a brain, or a soul. You are who you are, don’t be afraid to be different than them. My meaning is this…you’re two separate people, stay that way. I don’t know where people got this idea that they needed to love all the same things to love each other. I love Hobbs but I love him because he’s nothing like me. He’s laid back, I’m anxious, he’s not too talkative, whereas I don’t shut up. It’s just a nice balance, and it works really well for us. Being half of a couple doesn’t mean giving up yourself.

If I could only give one piece of advice I could give to someone whether they’re married, in a committed relationship, or just looking for love, it would be this. Finding the person you’re meant to be with is hard enough, don’t make it any harder than it has to be. Be in love, have fun, enjoy the adventure. Stop making little things into big issues. If it’s a big issue, talk it out. If it doesn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be. These are simple things that we all need to hear. Trust me, I’m guilty of every single one of these things in past relationships. But alas, hindsight is 20/20.

Phew, what a rant that was huh? I dunno if anyone agrees with me, if you do let me know. If you don’t, let me know. I’m gonna post a few things on this because seriously I have so much to say here. (See, I told you I was talkative…) Until next time…

A New Frontier

Hiya friends. Have you ever tried to step out of your comfort zone and try something new? I’m betting you have, BUT have you stepped so far out that you need to create a whole new world to inhabit? (Sorry, my brain went totally Aladdin here, and I’m on a flying carpet with a petty thief. But hey, he makes the fezzes are cool!) Okay, I’m back, wow, that went from Aladdin to the Doctor real fast.

I decided last year to try my hand at a completely different genre. See usually, I tend to write in the crime/murder mystery genre. Not this time peeps. My crazy ass friend Tiff (you guys might know her as Tiffany Crystal, check out the blog. I recommend Say ‘No’, you won’t regret it) talked me into giving sci-fi a try. Well, I’m an alien nerd (I mean, I have an alien in a jar, if that doesn’t prove my love for all things extra terrestrial and sci-fi I’m not sure what will), so I jumped at the chance. .

What I didn’t realize was just how much work I was signing on for. Who knew creating a world complete with religions, people, wardrobe…yeah now that I’m writing it out I’m not sure what I thought, but it definitely wasn’t going to be easy. Thank goodness for Tiff, otherwise I’d have drowned in the ocean off of Tecre (ahhh, inside jokes). Honestly, I have pretty much been lead by the hand through all of this world building, so much so that she actually got excited when I asked about trading and exports. She tells me she was quite proud, like I was a little birdie learning how to fly. (Hmmm…hold on while I make a note about animals on an alien planet)

It’s funny because I know how to create storylines with a plot twist (and sometimes some holes), characters, and setting, but the setting is usually REAL, or at least on Earth. Having to create literally everything not only can give one a bit of a God complex *lightning bolts and smiting* but it’s also really daunting. Oh, and let’s not forget the planet is just one hoofin part of it. Ever tried to create a language? Let’s just say I now have a newfound respect for George R.R. Martin and David J. Peterson for creating Dothraki, or Tolkien and his how many freaking languages, or Marc Okrand (if you don’t know that name look it up, but the title of this post should give you a hint).

It’s fun, and it’s definitely interesting and I know that it’ll be worth it when everything comes together and you guys are reading the end result. But right now it’s tough, and A LOT of work….and I haven’t even started on the actual writing part of it yet! Wish me luck, peeps. I’ll keep you updated on my progress and when you can expect to be able to read it. Until next time, my friends.

Our House, in the Middle of our Street.

Hiya friends….welcome back! (Please tell me you sang that title, I won’t lie I definitely did.) I know it’s been a hot second since I’ve posted, but remember when I told you there was a good reason? Well, as I write this I am sitting in my office in our new house. That’s right, we took the plunge and are now homeowners! Holy shit, that’s weird to write!

Okay, so first things first, the particulars. It’s a three bedroom, one and a half bath colonial built in 1900. There’s a decent yard (for the still imaginary children and a very real dog to run and play in). It’s all beautiful, but if I’m honest it’s the stairs that sold me, they’re hoofin fancy. The second I saw them I knew I was meant to live in the house with the Charmed stairs. I may not be a charmed one or part of the power of three, but dammit I wanted the fancy stairs.

Excuse the vacuum, but hey at least you know I clean, right?

Remember when you were little and your parents would take you to buy sneakers (trainers for all you Brits out there playing the home game) and they bought them a little big and said that you’d grow into them? Well, we took that Mom-logic and applied it to buying a house. We wanted plenty of room for all the possibilities. Y’know like those imaginary kids or pets (again very real)…or BOOKS!! Let’s be serious, it’s me so it’ll probably be books, but I’m not ruling out cute little baby biblios. Does anyone else hear that clock? No? Just me then? Cool.

We have redone the kitchen so far. Nothing fancy just some new paint on the cabinets and walls, a new refrigerator and stove, and that’s pretty much it. Now that I’m looking at it, that’s actually a lot. Hobbs was really proud of himself for picking the colors we used in there, mainly because he’s colorblind. He did alright if you ask me, but I might be partial, and I just couldn’t tell him no….he was so proud people.

If you stay tuned I’ll be updating about the house as we go through it make it more…ours? In case you’re wondering what’s up next in the Hobbit/Biblio house makeover: living room, entry room, and MY OFFICE!!! Can you tell which one I’m really excited for? Wait till you see my hoofin vision and you’ll understand why. Until next time…

New Year, New Me (STFU)

Hiya friends and Happy New Year. I know I took a bunch of time off but like I said before it was for a good reason, we bought a house (am I the only person who says that like the line in “We Bought a Zoo”?). I’ll be explaining more about that in my next post. But right now it’s a new year, and you know what that means…it’s resolutions I won’t keep time. *insert cheers and applause or maybe boos here*

I don’t know about you guys but I never succeed in keeping my resolutions and I think I’ve finally found out why: I make impossible resolutions. Example one: a couple years ago I wanted to “get healthy” so I went on this crazy diet and was ALWAYS hungry!!! In case you’re curious a hungry Nikki is a very scary Nikki, it’s not pretty friends. Then there was the year I decided to exercise every day, and the only thing that got any skinnier was my bank account from that stupid gym membership. I mean, both times I started off with the best intentions but still failed within the first couple of weeks.

I’ve come to the conclusion that resolutions like that just aren’t hoofin feasible. That’s why I’ve decided to switch things up a bit this year, and the first thing is no more using the word “resolution.” I have shaky resolve at the best of times, BUT I am pretty good at taking suggestions. That all being said, my 2018 suggestions are as follows:

  1. Be mindful of what I’m eating. (No more soda for breakfast, don’t judge me!)
  2. Wake up at a single digit time, lazy ass. (9:55 am, here I come)
  3. Try to move my ass a little bit more than usual. (Dammit!)
  4. Give meditation a fair shake. (Focusing isn’t easy for me)
  5. Speak less and listen more. (I think the Hobbit will like this one more than me)
  6. Participate in the 500 words a day challenge (not counting chatting or text messaging…dammit again!)
  7. Read about more than just smutty ranchers/bikers/billionaires. (I might have a problem here)

Six pretty simple things, at least in theory. I will say though that generally making “resolutions” can send my anxiety into a fucking tailspin, especially when I don’t stick with it. It ultimately makes me feel bad about myself and that is never fun. This year I’m gonna add in a STFU clause. If, that’s right I’m saying IF, I fail at sticking to one of those suggestions I will tell my anxiety to shut the fuck up and let me give up in peace. Being hard on myself isn’t going to make me stick to something. If I know me, and it’s pretty safe to say I do, if anything it’ll make me fail before I even start. I’m hoping that by adding in that little clause I might be able to hang on longer than three weeks.

Do you guys have any resolutions/suggestions/intentions that you have for 2018? I’d love to hear some of them. One more time, Happy New Year from my family to yours. Until next time, my friends….

“Lasso My Tastebuds…”

Hey friends….welcome back. I know I’ve been absent for a while but I swear I have good reasons. I won’t talk about them yet, but I will soon and then we can all be on the same page. Right now, though I’m gearing up to go to a comedy show AGAIN, except this time it hasn’t been cancelled. I figured that means it’s a good time to give all of you guys a nice update on the CBD oil and how everything seems to be going so far.

First things first, tonight’s show is Kyle Kinane. He’s hilarious and if you haven’t seen or heard anything by him I highly recommend it. I’m super excited to go, and I can actually feel that now thanks to my little foray into CBD oil. I can honestly say that I was completely expecting to wake up this morning and be confronted with an incredible amount of anxiety and panic. Imagine my surprise when I woke up with not even an inkling of my previous nerves, I was feeling a bit crappy BUT for a completely different reason (ear muffs fellas) stupid owning a uterus.

Once I was fully awake I enjoyed my morning vape. Ohhhh, I left out that I got new oil and oh mama it is rather tasty, like yummy strawberry vanilla custard, pretty much cake people…my CBD oil tastes like cake! It was a step up to say the least, the last one tasted like toothpaste and they gave it a funny name Alpine Breeze, that’s false advertising if I’ve ever heard it….anyway, I digress.

My point is, I’ve been able to leave my house, and live amongst people (not that that’s any real great thing). Five months ago my life revolved around this computer, my cat and dog, and books….things are definitely improving and I gotta say it feels lovely. Now the general public gets to hear my amazing sarcasm and humor, lucky them huh?

Well, I hate to cut this short as it feels nice to be back here writing again, but it’s time to take off for my night filled with humor. I promise I won’t leave for that long again. Until next time…

Challenge Accepted!

Hiya friends! I feel like I’m forever apologizing on here, but seriously these last couple of weeks have been ROUGH (and that’s putting it mildly). Between my ankle and tons of doctor’s appointments (in the coming week I have three scheduled), LOTS of homework (I HATE MATH), add in that I haven’t been sleeping and I’m currently building a world for a story I’m working on. (Side Note: If you need some help staying organized while building a world of your own, check out Tiffany Crystal’s blog for some hints.) Anyway, add all that together and you’ve got a doozy couple of weeks, but enough complaining, let’s get down to business.

As I have been spending a great deal of my time sitting in waiting rooms, and well…WAITING. I’ve been spending that time browsing Pinterest on my phone, I’ve pinned everything from DIY ideas to nursery themes (funny part is I’m not even pregnant).

BUT, the most exciting thing I’ve found is Rory Gilmore’s reading challenge. Now most of the people who know me IRL know that I am a massive Gilmore Girls fan for many reasons, one of those is Rory Gilmore. She’s a bookworm like me, she’s also extremely funny which I also fancy myself, now if only I could talk as fast as she does. There are 339 books on this crazy list, and I’m setting myself the challenge to read them all, which I’m pretty sure makes me just a hoofin’ crazy.

I’m going to start today, and I’ve already decided the first couple of books I’m going to read. I’m not even sure where this challenge originated, but I’m going to link to the list I found (The Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge). Feel free to give me your feelings on any of the books you’ve read, like having the tissues ready for when I read Flower for Algernon by Daniel Keyes (thanks for the heads-up Tiff). Wish me luck my friends. Until next time…