Ankle v. Biblio: A Battle of Wits and Will

Hiya friends! Holy shit I’ve been away for a little while, but I can explain, I swear. The short of the long of it is, my ankle hates me and is currently attempting to exile itself. The rest of the body is in a conference and it seems the exile will be denied. That being said, the ankle has nothing to lose at this point and has refused to work properly until all its demands are met. The entire body has taken meetings with doctors and have scheduled an MRI to determine if further negotiations are possible. We are confident that through time and patience, as well as certain concessions on either side, our differences can be resolved.

Considering these unforeseen circumstances, the body has decided to restrict the ankles access to Twitter, as she tends to not think before tweeting, and that seems irresponsible. In response, the ankle has revoked access to the swimming pool and the community gym, as well as anything it has deemed to be fun in any way. As you can clearly see, we are at quite the stalemate.

But, on a serious note…

THIS SHIT SUCKS!!!!!

Here are the facts as they stand right now. I hurt my ankle a while ago, and it was never properly fixed (good one, Nikki). I woke up two weeks ago in some pain, with a swollen ankle and foot, and deduced that I must be a VERY active sleeper. It wasn’t until a few days later that I finally was convinced, and yes, it took convincing to get me to agree to go to the local ER and see what the deal was.

At this point the usual happened, I was asked tons of questions, my ankle was poked, prodded, and my foot was wiggled (more on the wiggling foot in a second). I knew they were going to want an X-Ray even though I had told them nothing was broken. They didn’t listen and to radiology I went, well wheeled, no walking from here on out.  *Important Info Alert: I miss walking.*

It’s at this point that I’d like to point out, no one was harmed during the hospital visit we’re discussing. Once inside the lovely X-Ray room, I noticed there were two people, the radiologist who had come and gotten me and a noob, immediately the section of my brain that registers pain sighed and let out an exasperated “Here we go.” He must have seen my eyes as wide as saucers and tried to ease my worries, “calm down, an X-Ray doesn’t hurt one bit.”

It was at this point that my mouth decided to join the party and say, “Yeah, I’ve had a few, not the X-Ray I’m worried about.” (Internal monologue: Good job Nikki, piss off the person who is gonna move your foot an ankle into position….back pedal now dumbass, quick use humor…and go). “Sorry that’s not what I mean, it’s just running a mission with a noob can sometimes get you hurt.” (IM: Yeah, that was much better, why the hell are you so awkward every time you open that hole on your face?) His face was stony for a minute before he said, “I’ll try to be careful.”

So, in the course of about an hour, I’d argued with a doctor and pissed off the new guy in radiology, batting a thousand here people. He did end up causing a little pain, but I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything. After the bones were properly pictured I was being wheeled out and said, “Nice job, Noob! Mission accomplished with no casualties, level up.” He laughed as I rolled out of sight. See, I tried to smooth things over, I’m not a complete ass. As suspected there were no broken bones, so I was sent on my merry way with an ace wrap, air cast, and specific instructions to contact the ortho.

Cut to now, he’s been contacted and seen, hence the MRI appointment. Bones weren’t good enough for him, he needs muscles and stuff. I get to lay in a tube on Wednesday afternoon, with my head exposed, thank whoever is looking out for me. I definitely get claustrophobic and that’s no fun for anyone.

As it stands right now I’ve been on crutches for just about two weeks, and won’t know until the 19th, a nice even month until I figure out what the deal is. Have I mentioned how much I loathe crutches? In my house, we call them “sticks,” but dress it up any way you wish they’re still torture devices.

So, that’s it the whole annoying tale…I should definitely tell you guys about the conversation in the cast room. It was highly entertaining, I think you’d all enjoy it. Either way, I’ll keep you updated. Until next time my friends.

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