Hiya friends, welcome back. I feel like I’m continuously explaining my absence but this was for a legitimate reason. I thought I’d use this post to give an update and talk about my coming year.
First the update, as you may know, I have been in therapy, once a week, since May of last year. I took the last seven months off (aside from one post to update anyone that may have been reading) to just focus on the therapy, all while keeping my head above water with everything else. I wasn’t in a place to keep writing blog posts regularly and trying to present a front that everything was okay. My mental health became my sole priority for the first time in months, probably even years if I’m being honest. Needless to say, it was overdue, I was sick of pretending I was fine for the sake of others around me, I took the time off to clear my brain and refocus myself. Now that I feel a bit more surefooted in the therapy, I think I can get back into writing at least semi-regularly here.
There was another factor that played a key role in my step back, I upped my course load in school. I went from part-time to full-time, which effectively doubled the amount of time I spend at my computer. I took a step back from anything that wasn’t necessary, basically anything to do with writing, to make sure that I could handle my classes along with everything else in my life, before I started adding other things in.
Okay, onto my coming year. I have decided to stay away from resolutions this year, I’m good enough at setting myself up for failure without giving it name. Instead, I’m giving myself goals, something that I want to achieve by the end of the year. For example, I am terrible at sticking with a skincare routine, a goal for me this year is to wash my face daily. Sounds silly, but in the grand scheme of my life, my own personal well-being tends to come last, this is a way for me to carve out five minutes of time everyday without anything coming up. It’s five minutes.
Another goal of mine this year is to do more of what makes me happy, and that includes writing. I have realized that while setting a daily word count works for other writers, it definitely doesn’t work for this writer. This year, I’m going to set myself a weekly goal and expand it a bit. Instead of focusing solely on word count, I’m going to include story planning as well. This also extends to the blog. I’m planning on uploading at least one post a week, anything else is a bonus.
There are a few other goals I’m setting but honestly, I’ve decided to just do them without telling anyone. Then if I fail I don’t have to feel bad that I let anyone down and I don’t have to worry about the judgment at failing something else. I can just start over and everyone is none the wiser.
So basically, I wrote all that to say that I’m back and definitely better than I was. I look forward to getting back into the swing of things. Happy New Year friends! Until next time…
For the better part of seven years, I’ve worn this mask of the funny girl, who gets awkward when she’s anxious and makes silly jokes to keep people from seeing the fear and pain that hide in her brain. I’ve lied and said I’m fine more times than I care to count. I’ve smiled and laughed when in actuality I just wanted to hide and cry. I never wanted people to look at me and see the broken, hurt, fear, or lonely. I wanted to be tough, and brave, I needed to be the one who fixed everyone else’s problems so I could be proud and feel useful, but I was really just running from my own baggage and the emotions that came with it.
known as Doc), and I feel like I can breathe a bit easier now. It’s a slow process, but I’m working through it and this time I’m not alone. Doc thinks it’s time to dismantle the door and clear out the infection. I am about to stand toe-to-toe with every shitty piece of my past, and I’d be lying if I said this didn’t petrify me. Just thinking about reliving some of this shit makes me want to run and hide, but I know it has to happen. I know the only way I can find peace, and the elusive beast that is actual happiness is to do this. I know I’ll never be “cured,” I’ll deal with anxiety and panic forever, but I can find some relief. I deserve it.
Hiya friends, welcome back. Lately, with my life being really hectic (between school, work, and everything else), all of this can really ratchet the anxiety up, let’s just say panic attacks are happening at least three times a week.
For the past couple of months, I have been learning some Korean (like I don’t already have enough going on). All blame on this goes to Tiff. She started learning it, and would randomly text me words she’d been learning and I got annoyed that I couldn’t understand her…so bada-bing-bada-boom…here we are.
and workbook, plus the Hangul workbook, and it’s actually made learning the language fun and interesting. Granted the illustrations have caused me to gigglesnort more than once, but maybe that adds to the experience.
I woke up and the world TILTED. Seriously, I sat up everything went wonky. My first thought was that I’d just gotten up too fast, no big deal, it’s happened before and it usually just goes away. When it didn’t pass, my next thought was a panic attack (dizziness or lightheadedness tends to be a big indicator for me). Again, no dice.
she was also worried about anemia because I was pale. So, they also did an EKG and blood work. I ended up having to take Thursday and Friday off of work. Driving was not an option.
ix of terror and excitement never killed anyone, right?) I mean, we’ve been married 8 years this coming August, and I think we always knew we wanted a family, we’ve just never been sure it was the right time. I say we, but let’s be honest, I’ve been Captain Hook-ing my way through life for a few years now. TICK TOCK. I definitely just pictured a tiny baby croc crawling after me holding a clock, cute and terrifying.
Let’s talk about my fears for a sec. I’ve heard some stories, people. Hobbs always tells me he had a big ole head when he was born, and I’m completely fine with not feeling that pain. Is it bad to say I hope our maybe baby takes after me in that aspect? My head was normal sized, or so I’ve been told. I mean, he definitely grew into his, but jeez people, I’ve seen the pictures, it was like a melon on a wrinkly little body. (Before I get skewered for this…he was adorable as all hell, but I mean, I can only imagine the pain) Okay, next fear: the whole unknown of this is huge for me. The idea that this might not work is a serious thing that makes me freak out a little bit, on the inside.
the Vaseline was for the cat, which doesn’t sound much better…fuckkkk. (I’ll explain about the cat in another post, it’s a big thing and it’ll make sense then) Our life is already like a series of awkward situations, let’s add a kid and really shake things up.
begin? Okay, firstly, I’m working on a novel called The Demon’s Puppet. You know how authors will always say that a character in their writing somehow mirrors themselves. Well, this is easily the most honest I’ve ever been in my writing, mainly because my MC, a girl called Cam DeLuca, spends the entire story battling these demons, and just hoping to find a way to live her life with as little resistance as possible.
wrong. Therefore a massive overhaul had to happen to my original plot in order to accommodate this new direction and ending. Seriously, being a writer can be annoying at times; other times you realize your characters are right and you were just being lazy.
t least something every week for you guys. There should be short stories, flash fictions, maybe some random writings, and eventually the collab. Here’s hoping you enjoy all that.
Back to the knowledge thing, do you know what a bias is? I do. Let me fill you in. Your bias is your favorite member of a group. When this all began my bias was firmly rooted in Taeyang. Honestly, so hot, and he absolutely hates shirts, again for a good reason. I mean, I’d hate shirts if I looked like that underneath, too.
meaning he’s the King, he reigns supreme, and I’m but a lowly servant of Stanville. (On second thought, I wanna be the Mayor of Stanville, set your sights high, Chingudeul.)
I adore this picture, simply because you have them all kind of doing what they do best. GD pulling a silly face, TOP giving those bedroom eyes, Seungri looks like he’s talking, Taeyang looks cool, and Daesung is smiling that smile. It’s just pretty perfect.
The Biblio Feels 