Relation-shits!

Hiya friends, welcome back. I’m not really sure how to start this so I’m just gonna jump right in. No relationship is perfect, and the worst thing you can do is compare yours to someone else’s.

Whoa, wait…maybe I should back up and start from the beginning. I have a friend who has a girlfriend, well I guess she might be an ex by the time you guys read this, but I digress. For the past year, actually probably longer than that with more than just this girl, he has been asking me for help or advice or an ear to vent to. Which in turn has inspired this new idea of mine. I’m going to put my thoughts on relationships, or sometimes what I like to call relation-shits (see what I did there?), on here and then I can just refer said friend to the page that applies to his current issue. It’s a purely selfish attempt on my part to get more views…and y’know I’m a nice person so I like to help people and stuff.

Now back to what I was saying. I am absolutely by no means some relationship guru, but I’ve been married for almost seven years so I’d like to think I have more than just a rudimentary knowledge of how relationships work. I’ve kept this one chugging along without any major breakdowns, so that’s gotta count for something right?

The first thing I learned quickly is…stop comparing yours to theirs. (I swear I don’t mean that in a sexual way) Get your mind out of the gutter and hear me out. The quickest way to kill something wonderful is by wondering why Tammy down the street got a car for Valentine’s Day, while you only got the .99 cent card they picked up at the last minute. Why did they grab something at the last minute? Because they were busy, it happens. It doesn’t mean you aren’t important to them, jeez calm down. My big question here is why are people equating their value as a person with the value of a card? That’s not their problem, it’s yours homie. Side note, a big fancy gift doesn’t equal a big fancy love.

Which is a nice way to get to my next lesson…the movies make big fancy loves look glamorous and almost unattainable. In reality, my big fancy love looks like a Star Trek flag for our house because he knew it would make me laugh. It looks like me sitting through hours of Ancient Aliens because he really is a nerd. It’s sweatpants, video games, ridiculous movies, and stupid gifts. It’s the .99 cent card because he says he loves me every day. (So much cheese but it really is the truth) Big fancy loves are tailor-made my friends, be the tailor.

How about this one…fighting happens. No one goes through a relationship without a little turbulence. Honestly, this takes me back to the first one if you think one of your friends lives in perpetually happy relationship bliss, you’re wrong. Every couple fights, some are just better at hiding it than others. Hobbs and I have a rule, we fight in the four walls of our house. If we have plans we put on a happy face, play the happily married couple for two hours, but then second we walk back into our house…dude, it’s on like Donkey Kong (I’m so bringing that back). We don’t fight in public, but if you’re in our space you will hear us argue. And I can tell you this with all the certainty in the world, we will not hide the arguments from our children. I think it’s important for our family to understand people fight, but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less. Arguments don’t mean a lack of love, and no arguments don’t mean an overabundance of love.

Let’s see what other wisdom can I share? Oh, your significant other does not determine who you are. You share a last name, or a home, or a family, you do NOT share a body, or a brain, or a soul. You are who you are, don’t be afraid to be different than them. My meaning is this…you’re two separate people, stay that way. I don’t know where people got this idea that they needed to love all the same things to love each other. I love Hobbs but I love him because he’s nothing like me. He’s laid back, I’m anxious, he’s not too talkative, whereas I don’t shut up. It’s just a nice balance, and it works really well for us. Being half of a couple doesn’t mean giving up yourself.

If I could only give one piece of advice I could give to someone whether they’re married, in a committed relationship, or just looking for love, it would be this. Finding the person you’re meant to be with is hard enough, don’t make it any harder than it has to be. Be in love, have fun, enjoy the adventure. Stop making little things into big issues. If it’s a big issue, talk it out. If it doesn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be. These are simple things that we all need to hear. Trust me, I’m guilty of every single one of these things in past relationships. But alas, hindsight is 20/20.

Phew, what a rant that was huh? I dunno if anyone agrees with me, if you do let me know. If you don’t, let me know. I’m gonna post a few things on this because seriously I have so much to say here. (See, I told you I was talkative…) Until next time…

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New Year, New Me (STFU)

Hiya friends and Happy New Year. I know I took a bunch of time off but like I said before it was for a good reason, we bought a house (am I the only person who says that like the line in “We Bought a Zoo”?). I’ll be explaining more about that in my next post. But right now it’s a new year, and you know what that means…it’s resolutions I won’t keep time. *insert cheers and applause or maybe boos here*

I don’t know about you guys but I never succeed in keeping my resolutions and I think I’ve finally found out why: I make impossible resolutions. Example one: a couple years ago I wanted to “get healthy” so I went on this crazy diet and was ALWAYS hungry!!! In case you’re curious a hungry Nikki is a very scary Nikki, it’s not pretty friends. Then there was the year I decided to exercise every day, and the only thing that got any skinnier was my bank account from that stupid gym membership. I mean, both times I started off with the best intentions but still failed within the first couple of weeks.

I’ve come to the conclusion that resolutions like that just aren’t hoofin feasible. That’s why I’ve decided to switch things up a bit this year, and the first thing is no more using the word “resolution.” I have shaky resolve at the best of times, BUT I am pretty good at taking suggestions. That all being said, my 2018 suggestions are as follows:

  1. Be mindful of what I’m eating. (No more soda for breakfast, don’t judge me!)
  2. Wake up at a single digit time, lazy ass. (9:55 am, here I come)
  3. Try to move my ass a little bit more than usual. (Dammit!)
  4. Give meditation a fair shake. (Focusing isn’t easy for me)
  5. Speak less and listen more. (I think the Hobbit will like this one more than me)
  6. Participate in the 500 words a day challenge (not counting chatting or text messaging…dammit again!)
  7. Read about more than just smutty ranchers/bikers/billionaires. (I might have a problem here)

Six pretty simple things, at least in theory. I will say though that generally making “resolutions” can send my anxiety into a fucking tailspin, especially when I don’t stick with it. It ultimately makes me feel bad about myself and that is never fun. This year I’m gonna add in a STFU clause. If, that’s right I’m saying IF, I fail at sticking to one of those suggestions I will tell my anxiety to shut the fuck up and let me give up in peace. Being hard on myself isn’t going to make me stick to something. If I know me, and it’s pretty safe to say I do, if anything it’ll make me fail before I even start. I’m hoping that by adding in that little clause I might be able to hang on longer than three weeks.

Do you guys have any resolutions/suggestions/intentions that you have for 2018? I’d love to hear some of them. One more time, Happy New Year from my family to yours. Until next time, my friends….

“Lasso My Tastebuds…”

Hey friends….welcome back. I know I’ve been absent for a while but I swear I have good reasons. I won’t talk about them yet, but I will soon and then we can all be on the same page. Right now, though I’m gearing up to go to a comedy show AGAIN, except this time it hasn’t been cancelled. I figured that means it’s a good time to give all of you guys a nice update on the CBD oil and how everything seems to be going so far.

First things first, tonight’s show is Kyle Kinane. He’s hilarious and if you haven’t seen or heard anything by him I highly recommend it. I’m super excited to go, and I can actually feel that now thanks to my little foray into CBD oil. I can honestly say that I was completely expecting to wake up this morning and be confronted with an incredible amount of anxiety and panic. Imagine my surprise when I woke up with not even an inkling of my previous nerves, I was feeling a bit crappy BUT for a completely different reason (ear muffs fellas) stupid owning a uterus.

Once I was fully awake I enjoyed my morning vape. Ohhhh, I left out that I got new oil and oh mama it is rather tasty, like yummy strawberry vanilla custard, pretty much cake people…my CBD oil tastes like cake! It was a step up to say the least, the last one tasted like toothpaste and they gave it a funny name Alpine Breeze, that’s false advertising if I’ve ever heard it….anyway, I digress.

My point is, I’ve been able to leave my house, and live amongst people (not that that’s any real great thing). Five months ago my life revolved around this computer, my cat and dog, and books….things are definitely improving and I gotta say it feels lovely. Now the general public gets to hear my amazing sarcasm and humor, lucky them huh?

Well, I hate to cut this short as it feels nice to be back here writing again, but it’s time to take off for my night filled with humor. I promise I won’t leave for that long again. Until next time…

Coming Soon …

Go to Earth, they said! It’ll be fun, they said. Yeah, because having our ship blown up and being tossed into the middle of an intergalactic war is really my idea of a good time. I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of the human principle of sarcasm, don’t you?

The moment I heard the sirens going off, I knew something was wrong. Ever been in the middle of an intergalactic “he-said-she-said?” Well, I have. Wait, I AM, and allow me to spare you the wondering: it’s not fun. Both sides are saying we’re traitors. How exactly we’re betraying ANYONE, when we’re doing EXACTLY what we were TOLD to do, is beyond us.

All we know is this: if we’re seen-we’re dead.

So yeah, I think it’s pretty safe to say that my first mission as a Commander just went to Fuocielo in a fiery handbasket. Our only chance at survival is to figure out what happened and why. Now, someone else in my position might be naïve enough to think their own government wouldn’t sabotage a mission as important as this, but I know better. I just have to somehow figure out who the real traitor is, and somehow prove it before my crew and I are killed.

Ankle v. Biblio: A Battle of Wits and Will

Hiya friends! Holy shit I’ve been away for a little while, but I can explain, I swear. The short of the long of it is, my ankle hates me and is currently attempting to exile itself. The rest of the body is in a conference and it seems the exile will be denied. That being said, the ankle has nothing to lose at this point and has refused to work properly until all its demands are met. The entire body has taken meetings with doctors and have scheduled an MRI to determine if further negotiations are possible. We are confident that through time and patience, as well as certain concessions on either side, our differences can be resolved.

Considering these unforeseen circumstances, the body has decided to restrict the ankles access to Twitter, as she tends to not think before tweeting, and that seems irresponsible. In response, the ankle has revoked access to the swimming pool and the community gym, as well as anything it has deemed to be fun in any way. As you can clearly see, we are at quite the stalemate.

But, on a serious note…

THIS SHIT SUCKS!!!!!

Here are the facts as they stand right now. I hurt my ankle a while ago, and it was never properly fixed (good one, Nikki). I woke up two weeks ago in some pain, with a swollen ankle and foot, and deduced that I must be a VERY active sleeper. It wasn’t until a few days later that I finally was convinced, and yes, it took convincing to get me to agree to go to the local ER and see what the deal was.

At this point the usual happened, I was asked tons of questions, my ankle was poked, prodded, and my foot was wiggled (more on the wiggling foot in a second). I knew they were going to want an X-Ray even though I had told them nothing was broken. They didn’t listen and to radiology I went, well wheeled, no walking from here on out.  *Important Info Alert: I miss walking.*

It’s at this point that I’d like to point out, no one was harmed during the hospital visit we’re discussing. Once inside the lovely X-Ray room, I noticed there were two people, the radiologist who had come and gotten me and a noob, immediately the section of my brain that registers pain sighed and let out an exasperated “Here we go.” He must have seen my eyes as wide as saucers and tried to ease my worries, “calm down, an X-Ray doesn’t hurt one bit.”

It was at this point that my mouth decided to join the party and say, “Yeah, I’ve had a few, not the X-Ray I’m worried about.” (Internal monologue: Good job Nikki, piss off the person who is gonna move your foot an ankle into position….back pedal now dumbass, quick use humor…and go). “Sorry that’s not what I mean, it’s just running a mission with a noob can sometimes get you hurt.” (IM: Yeah, that was much better, why the hell are you so awkward every time you open that hole on your face?) His face was stony for a minute before he said, “I’ll try to be careful.”

So, in the course of about an hour, I’d argued with a doctor and pissed off the new guy in radiology, batting a thousand here people. He did end up causing a little pain, but I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything. After the bones were properly pictured I was being wheeled out and said, “Nice job, Noob! Mission accomplished with no casualties, level up.” He laughed as I rolled out of sight. See, I tried to smooth things over, I’m not a complete ass. As suspected there were no broken bones, so I was sent on my merry way with an ace wrap, air cast, and specific instructions to contact the ortho.

Cut to now, he’s been contacted and seen, hence the MRI appointment. Bones weren’t good enough for him, he needs muscles and stuff. I get to lay in a tube on Wednesday afternoon, with my head exposed, thank whoever is looking out for me. I definitely get claustrophobic and that’s no fun for anyone.

As it stands right now I’ve been on crutches for just about two weeks, and won’t know until the 19th, a nice even month until I figure out what the deal is. Have I mentioned how much I loathe crutches? In my house, we call them “sticks,” but dress it up any way you wish they’re still torture devices.

So, that’s it the whole annoying tale…I should definitely tell you guys about the conversation in the cast room. It was highly entertaining, I think you’d all enjoy it. Either way, I’ll keep you updated. Until next time my friends.

Pomp and Circumstance

Hiya friends, welcome back. As I promised last week this is my full report on the happenings of my first excursion with CBD oil. This past Friday, my youngest nephew graduated from high school (cue the sappy moment intermingled with the horror that I’m that old). The easiest way to do this is to basically run through the entire day, don’t worry I’ll edit the boring stuff out.

The day before I was pretty anxious and I kept having to find inventive ways to keep my brain occupied so as to not get too bad. I played video games, The Division is an amazing game, I highly recommend it. I used the CBD oil throughout the day, and tried to gauge how much and when to use it to avoid the worst of the panic attacks. It seemed to take the edge off them, which made me feel a little more comfortable with using it the next day.

Then we came to the day of and when I woke I was fully expecting that familiar feeling of dread crushing in on me, but….it wasn’t there. Instead I felt a full range of emotions. Excitement for seeing my nephew walk across the stage and receive the diploma that he’d worked so hard to get. Happiness that it mattered to him that I was there. Sadness at how grown up he is now, and that the little boy he once was is just a memory now. But, pride was probably the biggest one, he did work his ass off and he succeeded in it, and because I remember teaching him how to read when he was 5 and well without reading…you get the picture. I also had a moment of shock that anxiety seemed to be the farthest thing from my brain, it was amazing.

As the day progressed, I used the CBD oil a few times to keep myself from dropping into anxiety and panic. I really didn’t want to let anyone down, not my family, not my nephew, and especially not myself. Then it was time to leave, I was dressed and ready to go thinking to myself, “Oh boy, this is about to go wonky.”

During the drive, everything stayed comfortable for me, which was a completely new feeling. I used the CBD a few more times just to make sure I wouldn’t get inside and go all upside down. Then it was time to put it to the ultimate test, it was time to go inside, find a seat and sit through the ceremony. After finding my parents, we all went to find seats and get ready for the pomp and circumstance (see what I did there?).

I was taking pictures and talking to my family, and it was only after my nephew and his graduating class had walked in and sat down that I realized I wasn’t panicking, there wasn’t even a hint of it.

THE CBD WAS WORKING!!!

So, there I sat waiting to hear my nephews name and being proud, for more reasons than I could count. I sat there from 6pm to about 8:30pm (tons of speeches), and never once did I feel the need to flee. I wasn’t in fight or flight mode, I was calm and enjoying myself. I can’t begin to explain how that feels, when you’ve spent so much time locked in, literally and figuratively, to finally find something that works and makes you feel just a little bit like your old self. My nephew wasn’t the only one graduating that night.

I even managed to go out to dinner, that is something that hasn’t happened in five years. All in all, the day was a massive success. I couldn’t be happier. I swear by this now, and I can’t wait to make more plans and get out of the house this summer.

Well that was my entire day, it was great, and I had fun. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I liked living it. Oh, I’ve been told to put this in here as well…Congratulations to the class of 2017. Until next time…

My Favorite Prompts..

Hiya friends, welcome back. This past week, I barely wrote anything that wasn’t for school. Have you ever had that moment where you realize you’re missing something? That’s what it was like for me this week, writing is an outlet for me, a way to express the stuff I’ve experienced and keep it from overpowering my mind.

I remember writing little short stories when I was younger, they were always full of light and happiness. It wasn’t until I was 19 that things changed, where there had been light was only darkness. Fear, sadness, and anger overtook freedom, happiness, and calm. Even with all the changes one thing stayed solid, I was still writing.

It’s clear by now that I’m a bibliophile, I spend a good chunk of my time reading (even when it cuts into other things…like sleeping). But, for me writing can give me the same escape, and when I don’t escape things bottle up and I become difficult to be around. Imagine being in the middle of a raging storm, complete with thunder and lightning, and then you have an idea of what I’m like without words to read, or a moment to write. I really feel bad for people around me during that time. (This is a perfect time to apologize if you’ve ever been near me in storm mode, I’m sorry.)

Well, that was a whole lot of rabbiting on just to get to this point, oops, but alas here we are. When I just need to write and don’t feel like working on my usual pieces, I find writing prompts. I love a good prompt and I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you guys, and maybe you could do the same. In hindsight, the writing at the beginning of this post seems a bit…well, dramatic. Whatever you guys get it, right?

Here are five of my favorites. Enjoy.

 

Prompt 1
Instagram: @awriterslifeforme

 

 

Prompt 2
thefakeredhead.com

 

 

Prompt 3
promptutorium.wordpress.com

 

 

Prompt 4
promptutorium.wordpress.com

 

 

Prompt 5
promptutorium.woordpress.com

 

 

I have very electic taste when it comes to writing, if you hadn’t guessed. If you use one of these, please feel free to share with me. I love reading how different writers interpret prompts. Until next time….