“Lasso My Tastebuds…”

Hey friends….welcome back. I know I’ve been absent for a while but I swear I have good reasons. I won’t talk about them yet, but I will soon and then we can all be on the same page. Right now, though I’m gearing up to go to a comedy show AGAIN, except this time it hasn’t been cancelled. I figured that means it’s a good time to give all of you guys a nice update on the CBD oil and how everything seems to be going so far.

First things first, tonight’s show is Kyle Kinane. He’s hilarious and if you haven’t seen or heard anything by him I highly recommend it. I’m super excited to go, and I can actually feel that now thanks to my little foray into CBD oil. I can honestly say that I was completely expecting to wake up this morning and be confronted with an incredible amount of anxiety and panic. Imagine my surprise when I woke up with not even an inkling of my previous nerves, I was feeling a bit crappy BUT for a completely different reason (ear muffs fellas) stupid owning a uterus.

Once I was fully awake I enjoyed my morning vape. Ohhhh, I left out that I got new oil and oh mama it is rather tasty, like yummy strawberry vanilla custard, pretty much cake people…my CBD oil tastes like cake! It was a step up to say the least, the last one tasted like toothpaste and they gave it a funny name Alpine Breeze, that’s false advertising if I’ve ever heard it….anyway, I digress.

My point is, I’ve been able to leave my house, and live amongst people (not that that’s any real great thing). Five months ago my life revolved around this computer, my cat and dog, and books….things are definitely improving and I gotta say it feels lovely. Now the general public gets to hear my amazing sarcasm and humor, lucky them huh?

Well, I hate to cut this short as it feels nice to be back here writing again, but it’s time to take off for my night filled with humor. I promise I won’t leave for that long again. Until next time…

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Pomp and Circumstance

Hiya friends, welcome back. As I promised last week this is my full report on the happenings of my first excursion with CBD oil. This past Friday, my youngest nephew graduated from high school (cue the sappy moment intermingled with the horror that I’m that old). The easiest way to do this is to basically run through the entire day, don’t worry I’ll edit the boring stuff out.

The day before I was pretty anxious and I kept having to find inventive ways to keep my brain occupied so as to not get too bad. I played video games, The Division is an amazing game, I highly recommend it. I used the CBD oil throughout the day, and tried to gauge how much and when to use it to avoid the worst of the panic attacks. It seemed to take the edge off them, which made me feel a little more comfortable with using it the next day.

Then we came to the day of and when I woke I was fully expecting that familiar feeling of dread crushing in on me, but….it wasn’t there. Instead I felt a full range of emotions. Excitement for seeing my nephew walk across the stage and receive the diploma that he’d worked so hard to get. Happiness that it mattered to him that I was there. Sadness at how grown up he is now, and that the little boy he once was is just a memory now. But, pride was probably the biggest one, he did work his ass off and he succeeded in it, and because I remember teaching him how to read when he was 5 and well without reading…you get the picture. I also had a moment of shock that anxiety seemed to be the farthest thing from my brain, it was amazing.

As the day progressed, I used the CBD oil a few times to keep myself from dropping into anxiety and panic. I really didn’t want to let anyone down, not my family, not my nephew, and especially not myself. Then it was time to leave, I was dressed and ready to go thinking to myself, “Oh boy, this is about to go wonky.”

During the drive, everything stayed comfortable for me, which was a completely new feeling. I used the CBD a few more times just to make sure I wouldn’t get inside and go all upside down. Then it was time to put it to the ultimate test, it was time to go inside, find a seat and sit through the ceremony. After finding my parents, we all went to find seats and get ready for the pomp and circumstance (see what I did there?).

I was taking pictures and talking to my family, and it was only after my nephew and his graduating class had walked in and sat down that I realized I wasn’t panicking, there wasn’t even a hint of it.

THE CBD WAS WORKING!!!

So, there I sat waiting to hear my nephews name and being proud, for more reasons than I could count. I sat there from 6pm to about 8:30pm (tons of speeches), and never once did I feel the need to flee. I wasn’t in fight or flight mode, I was calm and enjoying myself. I can’t begin to explain how that feels, when you’ve spent so much time locked in, literally and figuratively, to finally find something that works and makes you feel just a little bit like your old self. My nephew wasn’t the only one graduating that night.

I even managed to go out to dinner, that is something that hasn’t happened in five years. All in all, the day was a massive success. I couldn’t be happier. I swear by this now, and I can’t wait to make more plans and get out of the house this summer.

Well that was my entire day, it was great, and I had fun. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I liked living it. Oh, I’ve been told to put this in here as well…Congratulations to the class of 2017. Until next time…

Venturing out for Sanity

Hiya friends, welcome back. First let me apologize for being absent last week, oh mama what a week it was. There was some massive stuff happening, but I guess I can’t be too pissed because it gave me something to write about today.

*WARNING* Everything that follows is my own personal feelings and experiences, remember while reading that your mileage may vary.

I know I’ve mentioned before that the medications my doctors put me on didn’t work for me, we tried a few and needless to say it was a lost cause. Which left me trying anything and everything to find some sort of relief. Here are some of the things I’ve tried…

Deep breathing, it helped for a while and then I was right back to panic central.

Yoga, ha I did learn on thing from this, I am NOT bendy…AT ALL!!!

Journaling, I still do this, and while it helps me sort through the problems, it doesn’t lessen the anxiety.

The list goes on my friends, seriously ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you. I even forced myself to have panic attacks by going to places I knew would cause one, not smart, but I was running out of options.

Then it happened, a doctor suggested medical marijuana, and I immediately thought to myself, ‘Ummm, yeah no.” I’m anxious enough without THC adding to it, so this option didn’t make sense.

Enter CBD oil.

CBD (cannabidiol) oil gives you the calm without the high, it’s natural and non-psychotropic. Which means you can use it without having to worry about impairment or paranoia.

I’ve been using it for about a week, and even with everything happening I didn’t freak the hell out. I kept my head, and didn’t panic as much as I usually do. That’s a fucking win in my book. I know it’s not a cure all, but if it can help me even a fraction I’m going to give it a shot.

So I ordered a bottle of the oil and a vape pen (I’m being told to add here that “Vape is life!” Don’t ask.) Well I recieved the oil but not the vape, cue the serge of anxiety at not having it in time for my nephew’s graduation ceremony, and having to break yet another promise that I’d be there because he asked me to. There was only one thing to do….I had to leave the house to get one.

Dun Dun Dun…

Immediately my anxiety kicks into high gear thinking about all the possible ways this could go wrong, or all the lovely new places I could have a panic attack, all the strangers that could see that…ugh. See, it’s a bitch.

But, I did it. I got what I needed and now I sit here with this monster of a vape, I’ve affectionately named “The Beast,” and hoping a little CBD before the graduation ceremony and I’ll get through it without any major incidents. *Fingers crossed*

Well, I will let you guys know next Monday how everything went…wish me luck. If you want more info on this I’d be happy to direct you to some helpful stuff I’ve found, or maybe even do another post including everything I’m using. That’s all for tonight, I hope you all had a wonderful week. Until next time…