10 Happy Things

Hiya friends, welcome back. Lately, with my life being really hectic (between school, work, and everything else), all of this can really ratchet the anxiety up, let’s just say panic attacks are happening at least three times a week.

With all the craziness going on, I thought it would be nice to take some time out today, and write about 10 things that make me happy. If for nothing else, it might give me something to look back on when everything gets overwhelming. Okay, we’re jumping in…here are my 10 happy things in no particular order, enjoy.

1. Hobbs

Well, this one is obvious. I mean, I wouldn’t have married him if he didn’t make me happy. I’m not gonna lie, there are times when I could smother him with kisses. Then there are times when smothering him with a pillow sounds pretty hoofin great (he snores…A LOT, and a pillow is a weapon of opportunity). In all honesty, the jackass can make me laugh like no other, and if there is one surefire way to my icy heart, it’s definitely humor.

1. The Furry Overlord and his Spunky Sidekick

This clearly means Marley and Spencer (take a guess which one is which). I consider these two wack jobs my babies, and boy do they freakin take advantage of that. Spencer only eats food Mom (that’s me) cooks, spoiled little shit. Marley, on the other hand, eats a diabetic friendly food that costs $48 for six damn pounds. If they didn’t make me happy I certainly would complain more than I do about those things.

1. My Family

A bunch of loud mouth, cussing hooligans, and I wouldn’t have them any other way. We are very Italian, being loud and well fed is just part of the package. The best part about them is that I know all I have to do is call and someone will show up. Those people taught me how to fight and love with reckless abandon. They’re crazy and can definitely be a fucking handful but they’re my kinda crazy.

1. My Friends

Ever met people that you are sure you were meant to be friends with? Those people that you know are meant to be in your life, but could definitely not be blood related because that’s just a recipe for disaster. Yeah, those would be my friends. I don’t have very many, but the ones I do have are one in a fucking million. Lucky me for finding them.

1. Reading/Writing

Two things that save my sanity when reality gets to be too much (which happens more often than I’d care to admit). I was about 3 when I learned to read, and I haven’t looked back since. Writing followed quickly after, and I was sold. Now I could create my own worlds to disappear into, sign me the hell up. Without these two things, I don’t think I’d really be me, and that makes me really happy.

1. Baking

I’m basically Betty Crocker, people. The weirdest thing about this one is…I bake all the things and yet I eat none of them. That’s not completely true, I’ll eat one of everything I bake, but I’m happier when I share it. I think it’s my Italian side that I just love to feed people. Food is easily one of my love languages, and I use it often.

1. British Television

Oh, how I love British TV. I can honestly be in the shittest mood ever, turn on something where everyone has an accent and I’m instantly happy. Also, it makes me really happy that they can say anything, show anything, and do anything on television. Don’t believe me…watch Embarrassing Bodies on Netflix, you won’t regret it. It is an experience, and it is so worth it.

1. Harry Potter

If you know me and you knew this would be on the list. I am a Potterhead. Yes, I know that makes me a geek, but seriously I will fight over my fandoms (especially HP) and I’m not even ashamed of that fact. My anxiety can be a raging asshole, and he will come for me hard fuckin core, but the second Hedwig’s Theme plays, or I crack open the book…he sits down and shuts the fuck up. It is the one and the only thing in my life that works consistently, every time.

1. Russell Howard

See, in number one I said that the quickest way to my Elsa heart (Frozen joke) is by making me laugh. Russell Howard never fails to do that. It’s so bad that lines from his stand-up come out of my mouth whenever they are situationally appropriate, and sometimes when they’re not. If you’ve never seen a Russell Howard stand-up there is one on Netflix, called Recalibrate. Or, if you don’t have Netflix, I suggest searching Russell Howard on YouTube.

1. The New House

Buy a house, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. What they don’t tell you, is fun is only there like 50% of the time. The other 50 is full of leaking faucets, yard work, and a toilet that loves to run. A silver lining, I’ve learned how to fix a running toilet, and stop a faucet from leaking. It is fun, and it’s nice to finally have that permanent home base, or HQ as we call it. This is our place, our little corner of the world. The place where we will love and fight, raise babies in and send kids off to college from. If I had a hat, I’d hang it on the wall, because this is where we belong.

There ya have it. 10 things that make me happy. It’s a nice list if I do say so myself. A perfect reminder on the days when shit gets too hard. I’m smiling already. Until next time…

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A Biblio and Hobbs Collaboration

Hiya friends, welcome back. Well, this is quite the different post for us over here at the Hobbs/Biblio household. Big things have been decided and at first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share. To be honest, it’s a little scary putting myself out there with stuff like this, especially when it’s unknown stuff, and I have no guarantee what the outcome will be. Let’s just say the anxiety is at DEFCON 1. (Time out for a nerd moment…most people think DEFCON 5 is the baddie, but it’s not, 1 is way worse. Just a heads up, okay back to the regularly scheduled programming.) I guess there is really only one way to do this. Screw it, I’m jumping in with both feet but I’m gonna plug my nose, I’m crazy but I’m not reckless.

Hobbs and I have decided, after many years of just having furbabies, that it’s time to add a tiny human to the mix. (Inside I’m screaming, a little mix of terror and excitement never killed anyone, right?) I mean, we’ve been married 8 years this coming August, and I think we always knew we wanted a family, we’ve just never been sure it was the right time. I say we, but let’s be honest, I’ve been Captain Hook-ing my way through life for a few years now. TICK TOCK. I definitely just pictured a tiny baby croc crawling after me holding a clock, cute and terrifying.

Needless to say, the conversation happened and it was a little awkward, which is weird and almost very normal for us. Let me give you a little snapshot of it.

Me: Hey, ummmm, let’s talk about something, kay?

Hobbs: Ooooookay, should I be worried?

Me: Nah, I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna tell you I plan to kill you. We’ve talked about this, orange is not a good color on pale girls like me.

Hobbs: Not helping, but sure talk. I’m all ears.

Me: IWANTABABYANDIKNOWYOUSAIDWESHOULDWAITBUTHONESTLYFIRSTCOMESLOVETHENCOMESMARRIAGETHENCOMESABABYINABABYCARRIAGE….I want my baby carriage…dammit.

Hobbs: Ohhhhh, it’s a good thing I speak you freaking out fluently, huh? I actually understood all that. *nervous laughter*

Me: That’s what you wanna say? On second thought, I might be able to pull off orange.

Hobbs: No, calm down, no need to get homicidal. I’m in. When do we start?

(Side Note: I’d NEVER actually kill my husband. It’s a running joke, we also joke about divorcing each other over dishes, laundry, and pretty much any household chore. Oh, and his snoring is another one. The running joke is every morning we are each at 0% divorceable, by the time we get to bed we’re usually at about 85%. It zeroes out every morning so…yeah….I digress)

Got a little off topic there, back to the tiny humans. So, we’re starting and I couldn’t be more excited, or fucking anxious. This is a huge step, but (sap alert) I couldn’t have picked a cooler guy to have my weird little bespectacled babies with. I’m convinced he’s gonna make them little bass playing babies, and I’m alright with that. I could totally go to some gigs and shout “That’s my baby.” Whereas, he’s convinced I’m going to pray they get a Hogwarts letter at 11, just so I can go to parents weekend in Hogsmeade. (He’s not totally wrong here) He wants a Jedi and I want a Wizard, either way, I know we’re having a geek, and I am VERY okay with that.

Let’s talk about my fears for a sec. I’ve heard some stories, people. Hobbs always tells me he had a big ole head when he was born, and I’m completely fine with not feeling that pain. Is it bad to say I hope our maybe baby takes after me in that aspect? My head was normal sized, or so I’ve been told. I mean, he definitely grew into his, but jeez people, I’ve seen the pictures, it was like a melon on a wrinkly little body. (Before I get skewered for this…he was adorable as all hell, but I mean, I can only imagine the pain) Okay, next fear: the whole unknown of this is huge for me. The idea that this might not work is a serious thing that makes me freak out a little bit, on the inside.

Okay, enough of the worry, this is a happy moment. We’re gonna make a baby. *claps and dances* It’s exciting and anxiety inducing all at the same time, and I’m alright with that. It’s also got us into some rather interesting situations already, the poor lady at CVS, her face was priceless when we set down prenatal vitamins (we’ve read they help with conception…see we’re researching, we must mean business) and Vaseline. It sounds like the set up to a dirty joke. Honestly, the Vaseline was for the cat, which doesn’t sound much better…fuckkkk. (I’ll explain about the cat in another post, it’s a big thing and it’ll make sense then) Our life is already like a series of awkward situations, let’s add a kid and really shake things up.

This is just the start of the journey and I’m gonna bring you along with me. As Hobbs says, now comes the fun part…he’s a dude, and he’s gross, don’t mind him. If you ladies out there have ANY tips you wanna share, I’d love to hear them. I’m not really a gambler, but I’m a firm believer in stacking the deck, if you can help I’d love that. I’ll keep you updated. Until next time…

BANG, BANG, BANG

Hiya friends, welcome back to my adorable and random little corner of the internet. I have a problem, and we need to talk about it. K-pop! I am hoofin addicted and I’m not even mad. I completely blame this recent addiction on Tiff (you can follow her here…go tell her I sent you and remind her that this is all her fault).

 

Psy says, “You know you dance like a fool to my song. Welcome to k-pop!”

 

Let’s start from the beginning with this. Tiff and I have been swapping music back and forth for a little while now, and she constantly sends me random Korean pop music videos, everything from MBLAQ to Shinee. Not gonna lie, every video she sent me was incredible – the level of creativity and work that goes into them is just unmatched. One night she sends me this video and as usual, I watch it. Little did I know this was the beginning of the end. The video was the “SEXIEST K-POP BOY GROUP MUSIC VIDEOS (NSFW)”, and I spotted Big Bang with a half-naked Taeyang and some backup dancers. Next thing I knew it was 3AM and I was crawling out of a YouTube black hole laden with Big Bang MV’s (music videos), I had drank the kool-aid and I was officially a fan.

This newfound love has led me to knowledge I never knew I needed. Firstly, Big Bang is known as the gateway drug when it comes to K-pop, with good fucking reason. There is also a reason they are called the “Kings of K-pop.” Honestly, their music videos are insane! It doesn’t even matter that I don’t speak the language, I get the meaning. Not to mention, I could watch them dance all day. ALL. FUCKING. DAY. And, I have.

Back to the knowledge thing, do you know what a bias is? I do. Let me fill you in. Your bias is your favorite member of a group. When this all began my bias was firmly rooted in Taeyang. Honestly, so hot, and he absolutely hates shirts, again for a good reason. I mean, I’d hate shirts if I looked like that underneath, too.

How about a bias wrecker? For me, that would be GD. A bias wrecker is the member of a group who very literally ruins your original bias, the one who makes you question your original fav. There I was all happy in my stanning of Taeyang, and out of nowhere comes GD with his damn seaweed bangs, ruining everything. Another YouTube black hole later, and I had found my ultimate bias. I can hear you asking what that is. I’ll explain. GD is the top of my ultimate bias list, meaning he’s the King, he reigns supreme, and I’m but a lowly servant of Stanville. (On second thought, I wanna be the Mayor of Stanville, set your sights high, Chingudeul.)

Why do I need to know this stuff? The correct answer is that I don’t, but I’m honestly not complaining. I actually enjoy the music, and like I said, the videos are crazy impressive. Not to mention, I can listen to the songs and not get distracted by dissecting every little lyric. (Notice I said songs and not videos, the videos are very distracting, with all the gyrating men and bright colors.)

So, I found this damn thing on the interwebs and I’ve decided to answer the questions in this post. It’ll give you insight into my love for this damn group. I’d also invite all the K-pop fans out there to answer the questions in the comments below, as I’m on the hunt for new groups.

Who is your ultimate bias group?

Obviously, my Ultimate Bias Group is Big Bang.

What is your favorite song?

Picking my favorite song is difficult because I genuinely love all of them, but if I had to pick I think it would be “If You.” I figure a lot of people would pick faster songs, but this is so good.

Favorite music video?

Hands down favorite music video is a tie between “Bae, Bae” and “Love Song.” One is so colorful and in your face, while the other is very muted and understated.

Favorite concept?

My favorite concept is definitely from “Fantastic Baby.” I love the idea of this “Anti-music” movement and the group is sort of fighting against that. The final scene is the five members sitting on thrones, sort of showing their place in the genre. (At least, that’s how I see it.)

If you had to pick a song that you don’t like, what would it be and why?

This is just as hard as a favorite because I like all their songs. I’m gonna go with “Last Dance,” only because it bums me the hoof out.

Who is your bias in the group?

I’ve already covered this: Taeyang. He’s just very…everything. His voice and aversion to shirts doesn’t hurt.

Who is your bias list wrecker?

Again, GD. He sneaks up on ya, at least he did on me. All seaweed bangs, and crazy outfits…I was very unsuspecting. His talent is also very attractive.

Pick your favorite photo of the group and explain why?

I adore this picture, simply because you have them all kind of doing what they do best. GD pulling a silly face, TOP giving those bedroom eyes, Seungri looks like he’s talking, Taeyang looks cool, and Daesung is smiling that smile. It’s just pretty perfect.

Finally, explain why someone should listen to this group if they haven’t already?

Honestly, if you haven’t listened to any k-pop this is a perfect place to start. Not only are they are very good at what they do, but it’s fun to watch them do it. Plus, once you have listened to all the group’s songs, you can embark on their solo stuff and it’s just as good.

Well, there ya have it my friends. I have a K-pop addiction, and I honestly don’t see it changing any time soon. I hope you guys are having a wonderful week. Until next time…

Quick Before the Hyena Come

 

Accurate depiction of inside of my brain, also what the title is from.

 

Hiya friends, so I’m being told that I need to write this blog post right hoofin now! Are ya ready? Let’s rap. (Buckle up kids…this is gonna be a ride.)

So, December has been a tunnel month. I can hear you asking, “Biblio…what in great tarnation is a hoofin tunnel week?”

First off, look at you using fancy language. Of course, I’ll answer your question, my little chingus (definitely not how to make that word plural, but we are going with it). [EDIT: the plural of one chingu is apparently chingudeul *five points to you if you know the language, post on that coming soon*] Tunnel times are essentially when the Asshole throws a fucking house party in my brain and invites all his asshole friends. They come in with their ice luge and start doing keg stands, breaking all the priceless ashtrays I made in kindergarten (side note: why were we allowed to make fucking ashtrays???). I am plunged into infinite darkness, and I can’t really see any sign of light at the end…is my tunnel metaphor making sense now? I’m basically cruising through said tunnel and who knows how long I’m gonna be there. I live here now, forward my mail.

For those wanting to send me something, the address is:

Biblio Feels

123 Tunnel Way

Assholeville, AH 91119

Accepting all baked goods and who knows maybe my Harry Potter acceptance letter will finally find me.

This is a shitshow already…but I did warn you. I’m like Shrek, okay? I’m a hoofin onion, my dudes, and I have layers, just go with it. Lord knows, I am.

Hold on, I’m forgetting something else I was supposed to put in this…gotta ask Hobbs.

 

You know you said it like the show.

 

Okay, apparently I need to also say that I’ve taken to using the word “beech” in place of “bitch,” and when asked why by Hobbs I answered, “I find the term offensive to female dogs.” This tunnel shit needs to end soon, otherwise, I fear for my marriage. I think he’s starting to realize that under my cool as a cucumber exterior I’m really just a massive weirdo.

I feel like if I post this, I’ll either get a lot of people telling me to lay off the drugs, or

“Secret, secret, secret, secret tunnel!”

people wondering if this is how I actually act. I’ll answer these currently unasked questions now: I’m not on drugs, I have anxiety people, I’m paranoid enough. Secondly, this is the real me. Awkward, anxious, random and unfiltered…plus books, I mean, what more could you want.

 

Oh, this reminds me of another lovely thing I’ve been doing recently. Y’know how “AF” was a thing…is a thing…I mean, I still do it but that doesn’t really help its cool factor. Well, now there is that whole thing where people are living their best fucking life…I have shortened that to BFL. Though Hobbs thinks it should be BFLB…Best Fuckin Life, Beech! (Merch coming soon! Link in the description below! Okay, I need to stay away from YouTube.)

I think this is enough of the inside of my brain for one day. I really hope you enjoyed this, and remember…BFLB, chingudeul. Until next time…

Welcome Back!

Happy New Year, my friends. First off, yes, I took a massive break, and I’ll explain everything in this post. Honestly, I’m happy to be back, and boy do we have some shit to talk about.

What a year I had in 2018, a big ol’ year of firsts. First year as homeowners. First houseguests. First time hosting a major holiday. Let’s talk about this stuff.

Many of you may know that last November, Hobbs and I purchased our first home. In this first year, we have turned this house into a home. The first floor has been painted and decorated. I let Hobbs choose the colors we used, and it should be noted he’s hoofin color blind. With that being said, he didn’t do too bad…except our dining room is a color called “Salamander” but seriously, it’s basically Link’s Tunic Green (not really shocking if you know Hobbs). The other colors were chosen, I suspect, for their names more than the actual hue. They all have space-related names, Hobbs is a nerd for space. Needless to say, the new paint made the house feel more like us. Also, as I write this I’m pricing out new dishwashers because ours shit the bed. Buying a house was a dream of ours, but man we were NOT prepared for how much money we were about to sink into it.

Let’s jump ahead to June, or as I like to refer to it, “The Summer of Friends.” Our best friends, who live across the country due to being in the military, came to stay for a whole 6 weeks. What an eye-opening experience this was, Hobbs and I don’t have kids (yet) and we had a lovely little look into what it would be like to be constantly surrounded by a 7-year-old and a toddler. To say we were tired every night is an understatement. Seriously, where do they get their energy? We loved every second of them being here, and had an absolute blast! I can honestly say I missed them when they left and might have had myself a mini cry as they drove off to the airport. All in all, it was a great summer!

Jumping into Fall/Winter. We hosted both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner this year. How the fuck I got through those meals with relatively low levels of anxiety…I will never know. There were 15 people in my house for both meals, and for Thanksgiving, I cooked the hoofin turkey!!! (I had never cooked a Turkey before, but let me tell you…I nailed it!) Honestly, I enjoyed having my whole family here, and it wasn’t as horrible as I initially thought it would be. I might even consider doing it again next year…don’t hold me to that though. Oh, before I forget, two honorable mentions for this section of my life…both my oldest nephew and my brother got engaged in the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I get a new sister-in-law, and a new niece-in-law (is that even a thing?). Also shocking…I like them both.

Those are really my highlights for this past year, and looking back it wasn’t too terrible. I mean, I’m gonna give it a solid 8 on the year-in-my-life scale. Not too shabby.

Now that we’ve looked back, shall we look ahead?

This year I refuse to make resolutions, mainly because I never fucking keep them. In place of hastily made resolutions, I’ve decided to implement some simple, yet well-placed, changes. Firstly, I’m gonna work on taking care of myself better, not just physically but mentally as well. To be fair, my mental health has taken a backseat and I think I’ve gotten myself as far as I can on my own. I’m taking my own advice and calling in some reinforcements. Wish me luck. Next, it’s time to get my shit together. The plan is to get myself on a schedule, that way I have time to write. I miss writing. I need to write more. I just want to have time to sit here and be creative without worrying over what’s not getting done. Lastly, Hobbs and I have made the decision that it’s time to start the family plan. We’ve been married 7 years and together almost 11, and we’ve been putting off the kids because there were things we wanted to do first (namely, buy a fucking house). Well, we’ve gone and done that, so let’s add tiny Hobbs and Biblios.

Don’t worry I have some plans for this space as well. There will be some changes and new things happening in the coming months, and I’m stoked to see if you guys like them. I’m gonna add in some more of myself, bring in more things I enjoy while still staying true to my first love, books. Stay tuned for that.

That’s it, my friends. My review of 2018 and the look forward to 2019. For the first time in quite a few years, I can honestly say I look forward to seeing what this year brings. I wish you all the very best in 2019, and I hope the new year inspires you to do whatever it is you’ve been wanting. Until next time…

Spotted Dick, Build-a-Bear, and a Parking Lot.

Hiya friends, welcome back. You’re probably wondering what the hell I could be posting about judging by the title. You wouldn’t think that those three unrelated things could somehow create a pretty epic love story huh? Well, they did.

Hobbs and I are celebrating TEN WHOLE YEARS! I figured I’d make a big shout out post for the man that puts up with all this crazy. He really deserves a medal.

I met Hobbs when I was 23 and had gotten a new job working with my cousin (Ohhh, yeah I don’t think I’ve ever said how old I am, welp now ya know). We were both working in the same place and I had just gotten out of a really shitty relationship. It’s pretty safe to say I wasn’t actively looking for anything. I can remember my first thought about him was “holy adorable.” He had tattoos and a beard and I’ll never admit it to him but I might have been a little smitten.

It was right around Valentine’s Day when I think either one of us really thought that maybe something could happen between us. But in true Hobbs fashion, he took his sweet ass time trying to get your girls number, so he needed a little push. (Funny story here, and I LOVE starting it the same way) Whenever you’re with someone, people you meet will inevitably ask “How did you two get together?” and I get to say my favorite thing ever, “Spotted Dick.”

 

Not the actual requested dick pic.

 

That’s right people, a can of Heinz Spotted Dick started this love story for the ages (that is not a sentence you get to write every day). Hobbs had taken a picture and was in the process of cracking up with the guys over it when I overheard the laughter. Being the calm, cool and collected woman of the world I am, I asked him to send me the photo (Tiff calls this the one time a dick pic was ever requested, she’s not wrong). His response was less suave, “uhhhhh, I can’t if you don’t give me your number.” *cue girlish giggle* “Oh, yeah, well, here ya go.”

Five seconds later, I received this incredibly original text: “Hi!” And the rest, as they say, is history. Spotted Dick brought me the man of my dreams. (Again, not every day that someone can say that.) We were inseparable after that.

Two years later, on March 23 – chosen so he’d never forget the date – I’m sitting on the couch at my parents house and this goober pulls out a stuffed grey cat from Build-a-Bear dressed in a tux. I was so busy fawning over the cutest stuffed animal I’d ever seen, I completely missed the ring box in his hand. Hobbs, being a man of few words, asked me to marry him in a very non-fanfare way, with a simple “Will you?” Obviously, I said yes (otherwise this would be a very different post) and then proceeded to call everyone I knew.

 

Kitty Suave

 

A year later, in August of 2011, I got to marry the boy who can always make me laugh even when I’m planning my episode of Snapped.

Now the best part of our wedding was that it was all us. There was no big fancy dress or suave tux, there were shorts and sneakers. I mean, I wore a dress but it wasn’t one of those Cinderella style ones, and it paired nicely with my all white Air Force Ones. I’ll let you guys in on a little secret, we technically got married in the parking lot of our apartment building about an hour before the ceremony everyone else saw. It was the two of us, my best friend and his, and another friend who we had ordained to perform the ceremony anyway. “Do you?” “We Do.” “It’s done.” It was fucking legal and I have the paperwork to prove it. I don’t even know if our families know this part….(sorry Mom).

An hour and a half later we were repeating the vows in this park near our apartment in front of our parents and a few select friends. The reception that followed was pretty much perfect. The table names were characters from our favorites shows and movies. The favors were keychain music notes. The flowers were simple, three gladiolus on each table as a silent nod to my uncle who passed away two months before. We ate hamburgers and hotdogs, drank way too much with our family and friends, and danced to a long ass song. All I really remember is lots of laughing and camera flashes. It was simple and the best day of my life (I didn’t even mind the dress).

 

This picure is the perfect visual representation of us.

 

The was almost seven years ago and not much has changed. We still laugh at inappropriate times, still argue over dishes and laundry, and still love each other stupid. Leading up the wedding I got a lot of unsolicited advice on how to sustain a marriage, some of it good and useful, while some of it just sucked. The one thing no one ever told me was that there would come a time when you couldn’t see life without the other person. My life wouldn’t be nearly as fun without him, nor would it be nearly as messy.

Hobbs is a good guy, and I’m a lucky girl because I get to call him mine. He’s made life….interesting. I was already a fully formed person by the time he came around, but there was definitely something missing. I found that something in the form of a tattooed and bearded cyborg (he’s a diabetic…he has a pump…therefore he’s a cyborg, ask anyone).

So this is my very public adoration post. I love him with every fiber of my very anxious being. Here’s to the past ten years of laughter and fun with some annoying habits and arguments over the dishes thrown in, two furry children and a whole slew of imaginary ones, three shitty ass apartments, and a new house. You make me happy, and a better person, thanks for loving me even when I’m crazy. (Side Note: As I’m writing this he just walked in from work with two bottles of alcohol-free wine, pretty much his version of this post, don’t tell me this man doesn’t know the way to my heart!) And here’s to ten more, Hobbs! Until next time…

Dear Guys!

Hiya friends…welcome back. So I wanted to do a follow up on my post that went up about relationships (I called it…Relation-shits! Cause I’m punny). This is some more advice from my odd brain to you, whether or not you take it is completely up to you.

I’m going to make this really simple, and no I don’t mean to oversimplify women at all, but sometimes I think you guys just make it too damn hard. Are we complicated as all hell? Oh, yeah. Does that mean you can’t figure out the puzzle? Nope! Buckle up gents, here is your crash course on all things female.

Five Things Girls Want Guys to Know

We aren’t as complicated as you think.

Seriously, why do you insist on making it harder for yourselves? Girls are NOT as complicated as you think, I repeat, NOT AS COMPLICATED! I’m about to give you the holy grail of tips dude…are you paying attention…we give you the answers. When you ask “I don’t know what you want.” Chances are you do, she probably told you. When a girl is angry with you she will give you ALL the information you need. Seriously, the who, what, where, when, and why…most times she’ll even tell you how to fix it. I’m telling you, man, it’s like an open book test, you already have the answers.

We know we can be crazy.

We live this shit…we know we have our moments. Show me a girl who says “I’ve never acted crazy” and I’ll show you a liar. (See, I’m not blaming you for everything) Every girl out there can recall once when she flew off the handle and knows that her reaction did not fit the offense. It’s a fact of life, dude. People have strong emotions at times, what makes us adults is that we recognize this fact and will apologize (unless there is a legit reason you deserved it). But when you say “girls are crazy,” it’s so much fun for us to remind you of the time you threw the Xbox controller because Master Chief got sticky bombed AGAIN. Crazy happens, and not just to women.

We hate the period as much as you (if not more).

This one really annoys me. I’m lucky Hobbs gets it, seriously, the man has no problem buying tampons or pads, it’s amazing. If you’re still unclear on this, let me defog it for ya, WE HATE OUR PERIOD. There is nothing fun or good about it, it sucks. Between the sneeze leaks and the cramps that make us wanna dig out our uterus with rusty spoons, it’s just not our idea of a good time. We also are aware that Satan’s waterfall will inevitably start at the most inopportune time. Here’s the issue you need to work on…stop acting like a baby when it’s brought up, or when it happens. We got over it, and you can too. Join our club, it’s more fun and we ALWAYS have chocolate.

We need to feel with you.

I don’t just mean this in the physical sense, what I mean is that we’re a team. It’s us against the world, or at least that’s what it should be. Decisions are difficult to make alone, imagine if you had someone who was interested in seeing you succeed, oh wait…you do! Don’t shut us out, when you’re in a relationship you should never feel uncomfortable being vulnerable with the person you’re with. Trust me, it’s not easy but in the end, it’ll create a stronger, tighter bond. Isn’t that what we all want?

We want to be your place.

This one is difficult for some people and I think I get why. Let me try to explain. You know the saying “Wherever you are, that’s my home?” We want to be your home, we are a safe place to land. If you let us we can and will give you the world, and the only thing you need to do is show us love. It’s really simple, you’re our home, our life and love all wrapped up in one incredibly handsome package (we’re biased, we know). We want you to know that we are there, the ride or die that you’ve been looking for? Well look no further my friend, you’ve found her. All ready to be the woman you can count on through anything….just add love. Simple recipe, you should try it sometime.

So there you have it, my five tips for all the guys out there. It’s a pretty simple thing when you take all the complicated shit out. Relationships are tough work, but there is absolutely no reasons to make them harder. Until next time…

Relation-shits!

Hiya friends, welcome back. I’m not really sure how to start this so I’m just gonna jump right in. No relationship is perfect, and the worst thing you can do is compare yours to someone else’s.

Whoa, wait…maybe I should back up and start from the beginning. I have a friend who has a girlfriend, well I guess she might be an ex by the time you guys read this, but I digress. For the past year, actually probably longer than that with more than just this girl, he has been asking me for help or advice or an ear to vent to. Which in turn has inspired this new idea of mine. I’m going to put my thoughts on relationships, or sometimes what I like to call relation-shits (see what I did there?), on here and then I can just refer said friend to the page that applies to his current issue. It’s a purely selfish attempt on my part to get more views…and y’know I’m a nice person so I like to help people and stuff.

Now back to what I was saying. I am absolutely by no means some relationship guru, but I’ve been married for almost seven years so I’d like to think I have more than just a rudimentary knowledge of how relationships work. I’ve kept this one chugging along without any major breakdowns, so that’s gotta count for something right?

The first thing I learned quickly is…stop comparing yours to theirs. (I swear I don’t mean that in a sexual way) Get your mind out of the gutter and hear me out. The quickest way to kill something wonderful is by wondering why Tammy down the street got a car for Valentine’s Day, while you only got the .99 cent card they picked up at the last minute. Why did they grab something at the last minute? Because they were busy, it happens. It doesn’t mean you aren’t important to them, jeez calm down. My big question here is why are people equating their value as a person with the value of a card? That’s not their problem, it’s yours homie. Side note, a big fancy gift doesn’t equal a big fancy love.

Which is a nice way to get to my next lesson…the movies make big fancy loves look glamorous and almost unattainable. In reality, my big fancy love looks like a Star Trek flag for our house because he knew it would make me laugh. It looks like me sitting through hours of Ancient Aliens because he really is a nerd. It’s sweatpants, video games, ridiculous movies, and stupid gifts. It’s the .99 cent card because he says he loves me every day. (So much cheese but it really is the truth) Big fancy loves are tailor-made my friends, be the tailor.

How about this one…fighting happens. No one goes through a relationship without a little turbulence. Honestly, this takes me back to the first one if you think one of your friends lives in perpetually happy relationship bliss, you’re wrong. Every couple fights, some are just better at hiding it than others. Hobbs and I have a rule, we fight in the four walls of our house. If we have plans we put on a happy face, play the happily married couple for two hours, but then second we walk back into our house…dude, it’s on like Donkey Kong (I’m so bringing that back). We don’t fight in public, but if you’re in our space you will hear us argue. And I can tell you this with all the certainty in the world, we will not hide the arguments from our children. I think it’s important for our family to understand people fight, but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less. Arguments don’t mean a lack of love, and no arguments don’t mean an overabundance of love.

Let’s see what other wisdom can I share? Oh, your significant other does not determine who you are. You share a last name, or a home, or a family, you do NOT share a body, or a brain, or a soul. You are who you are, don’t be afraid to be different than them. My meaning is this…you’re two separate people, stay that way. I don’t know where people got this idea that they needed to love all the same things to love each other. I love Hobbs but I love him because he’s nothing like me. He’s laid back, I’m anxious, he’s not too talkative, whereas I don’t shut up. It’s just a nice balance, and it works really well for us. Being half of a couple doesn’t mean giving up yourself.

If I could only give one piece of advice I could give to someone whether they’re married, in a committed relationship, or just looking for love, it would be this. Finding the person you’re meant to be with is hard enough, don’t make it any harder than it has to be. Be in love, have fun, enjoy the adventure. Stop making little things into big issues. If it’s a big issue, talk it out. If it doesn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be. These are simple things that we all need to hear. Trust me, I’m guilty of every single one of these things in past relationships. But alas, hindsight is 20/20.

Phew, what a rant that was huh? I dunno if anyone agrees with me, if you do let me know. If you don’t, let me know. I’m gonna post a few things on this because seriously I have so much to say here. (See, I told you I was talkative…) Until next time…

A New Frontier

Hiya friends. Have you ever tried to step out of your comfort zone and try something new? I’m betting you have, BUT have you stepped so far out that you need to create a whole new world to inhabit? (Sorry, my brain went totally Aladdin here, and I’m on a flying carpet with a petty thief. But hey, he makes the fezzes are cool!) Okay, I’m back, wow, that went from Aladdin to the Doctor real fast.

I decided last year to try my hand at a completely different genre. See usually, I tend to write in the crime/murder mystery genre. Not this time peeps. My crazy ass friend Tiff (you guys might know her as Tiffany Crystal, check out the blog. I recommend Say ‘No’, you won’t regret it) talked me into giving sci-fi a try. Well, I’m an alien nerd (I mean, I have an alien in a jar, if that doesn’t prove my love for all things extra terrestrial and sci-fi I’m not sure what will), so I jumped at the chance. .

What I didn’t realize was just how much work I was signing on for. Who knew creating a world complete with religions, people, wardrobe…yeah now that I’m writing it out I’m not sure what I thought, but it definitely wasn’t going to be easy. Thank goodness for Tiff, otherwise I’d have drowned in the ocean off of Tecre (ahhh, inside jokes). Honestly, I have pretty much been lead by the hand through all of this world building, so much so that she actually got excited when I asked about trading and exports. She tells me she was quite proud, like I was a little birdie learning how to fly. (Hmmm…hold on while I make a note about animals on an alien planet)

It’s funny because I know how to create storylines with a plot twist (and sometimes some holes), characters, and setting, but the setting is usually REAL, or at least on Earth. Having to create literally everything not only can give one a bit of a God complex *lightning bolts and smiting* but it’s also really daunting. Oh, and let’s not forget the planet is just one hoofin part of it. Ever tried to create a language? Let’s just say I now have a newfound respect for George R.R. Martin and David J. Peterson for creating Dothraki, or Tolkien and his how many freaking languages, or Marc Okrand (if you don’t know that name look it up, but the title of this post should give you a hint).

It’s fun, and it’s definitely interesting and I know that it’ll be worth it when everything comes together and you guys are reading the end result. But right now it’s tough, and A LOT of work….and I haven’t even started on the actual writing part of it yet! Wish me luck, peeps. I’ll keep you updated on my progress and when you can expect to be able to read it. Until next time, my friends.

Our House, in the Middle of our Street.

Hiya friends….welcome back! (Please tell me you sang that title, I won’t lie I definitely did.) I know it’s been a hot second since I’ve posted, but remember when I told you there was a good reason? Well, as I write this I am sitting in my office in our new house. That’s right, we took the plunge and are now homeowners! Holy shit, that’s weird to write!

Okay, so first things first, the particulars. It’s a three bedroom, one and a half bath colonial built in 1900. There’s a decent yard (for the still imaginary children and a very real dog to run and play in). It’s all beautiful, but if I’m honest it’s the stairs that sold me, they’re hoofin fancy. The second I saw them I knew I was meant to live in the house with the Charmed stairs. I may not be a charmed one or part of the power of three, but dammit I wanted the fancy stairs.

Excuse the vacuum, but hey at least you know I clean, right?

Remember when you were little and your parents would take you to buy sneakers (trainers for all you Brits out there playing the home game) and they bought them a little big and said that you’d grow into them? Well, we took that Mom-logic and applied it to buying a house. We wanted plenty of room for all the possibilities. Y’know like those imaginary kids or pets (again very real)…or BOOKS!! Let’s be serious, it’s me so it’ll probably be books, but I’m not ruling out cute little baby biblios. Does anyone else hear that clock? No? Just me then? Cool.

We have redone the kitchen so far. Nothing fancy just some new paint on the cabinets and walls, a new refrigerator and stove, and that’s pretty much it. Now that I’m looking at it, that’s actually a lot. Hobbs was really proud of himself for picking the colors we used in there, mainly because he’s colorblind. He did alright if you ask me, but I might be partial, and I just couldn’t tell him no….he was so proud people.

If you stay tuned I’ll be updating about the house as we go through it make it more…ours? In case you’re wondering what’s up next in the Hobbit/Biblio house makeover: living room, entry room, and MY OFFICE!!! Can you tell which one I’m really excited for? Wait till you see my hoofin vision and you’ll understand why. Until next time…