Hiya friends, so I’m being told that I need to write this blog post right hoofin now! Are ya ready? Let’s rap. (Buckle up kids…this is gonna be a ride.)
So, December has been a tunnel month. I can hear you asking, “Biblio…what in great tarnation is a hoofin tunnel week?”
First off, look at you using fancy language. Of course, I’ll answer your question, my little chingus (definitely not how to make that word plural, but we are going with it). [EDIT: the plural of one chingu is apparently chingudeul *five points to you if you know the language, post on that coming soon*] Tunnel times are essentially when the Asshole throws a fucking house party in my brain and invites all his asshole friends. They come in with their ice luge and start doing keg stands, breaking all the priceless ashtrays I made in kindergarten (side note: why were we allowed to make fucking ashtrays???). I am plunged into infinite darkness, and I can’t really see any sign of light at the end…is my tunnel metaphor making sense now? I’m basically cruising through said tunnel and who knows how long I’m gonna be there. I live here now, forward my mail.
For those wanting to send me something, the address is:
123 Tunnel Way
Assholeville, AH 91119
Accepting all baked goods and who knows maybe my Harry Potter acceptance letter will finally find me.
This is a shitshow already…but I did warn you. I’m like Shrek, okay? I’m a hoofin onion, my dudes, and I have layers, just go with it. Lord knows, I am.
Hold on, I’m forgetting something else I was supposed to put in this…gotta ask Hobbs.
Okay, apparently I need to also say that I’ve taken to using the word “beech” in place of “bitch,” and when asked why by Hobbs I answered, “I find the term offensive to female dogs.” This tunnel shit needs to end soon, otherwise, I fear for my marriage. I think he’s starting to realize that under my cool as a cucumber exterior I’m really just a massive weirdo.
I feel like if I post this, I’ll either get a lot of people telling me to lay off the drugs, or
people wondering if this is how I actually act. I’ll answer these currently unasked questions now: I’m not on drugs, I have anxiety people, I’m paranoid enough. Secondly, this is the real me. Awkward, anxious, random and unfiltered…plus books, I mean, what more could you want.
Oh, this reminds me of another lovely thing I’ve been doing recently. Y’know how “AF” was a thing…is a thing…I mean, I still do it but that doesn’t really help its cool factor. Well, now there is that whole thing where people are living their best fucking life…I have shortened that to BFL. Though Hobbs thinks it should be BFLB…Best Fuckin Life, Beech! (Merch coming soon! Link in the description below! Okay, I need to stay away from YouTube.)
I think this is enough of the inside of my brain for one day. I really hope you enjoyed this, and remember…BFLB, chingudeul. Until next time…