10 Happy Things

happinessHiya friends, welcome back. Lately, with my life being really hectic (between school, work, and everything else), all of this can really ratchet the anxiety up, let’s just say panic attacks are happening at least three times a week.

With all the craziness going on, I thought it would be nice to take some time out today, and write about 10 things that make me happy. If for nothing else, it might give me something to look back on when everything gets overwhelming. Okay, we’re jumping in…here are my 10 happy things in no particular order, enjoy.

  1. Hobbs

Well, this one is obvious. I mean, I wouldn’t have married him if he didn’t make me happy. I’m not gonna lie, there are times when I could smother him with kisses. Then there are times when smothering him with a pillow sounds pretty hoofin great (he snores…A LOT, and a pillow is a weapon of opportunity). In all honesty, the jackass can make me laugh like no other, and if there is one surefire way to my icy heart, it’s definitely humor.

  1. The Furry Overlord and his Spunky Sidekick

This clearly means Marley and Spencer (take a guess which one is which). I consider these two wack jobs my babies, and boy do they freakin take advantage of that. Spencer only eats food Mom (that’s me) cooks, spoiled little shit. Marley, on the other hand, eats a diabetic friendly food that costs $48 for six damn pounds. If they didn’t make me happy I certainly would complain more than I do about those things.

  1. My Family

A bunch of loud mouth, cussing hooligans, and I wouldn’t have them any other way. We are very Italian, being loud and well fed is just part of the package. The best part about them is that I know all I have to do is call and someone will show up. Those people taught me how to fight and love with reckless abandon. They’re crazy and can definitely be a fucking handful but they’re my kinda crazy.

  1. My Friends

Ever met people that you are sure you were meant to be friends with? Those people that you know are meant to be in your life, but could definitely not be blood related because that’s just a recipe for disaster. Yeah, those would be my friends. I don’t have very many, but the ones I do have are one in a fucking million. Lucky me for finding them.

  1. Reading/Writing

Two things that save my sanity when reality gets to be too much (which happens more often than I’d care to admit). I was about 3 when I learned to read, and I haven’t looked back since. Writing followed quickly after, and I was sold. Now I could create my own worlds to disappear into, sign me the hell up. Without these two things, I don’t think I’d really be me, and that makes me really happy.

  1. Baking

I’m basically Betty Crocker, people. The weirdest thing about this one is…I bake all the things and yet I eat none of them. That’s not completely true, I’ll eat one of everything I bake, but I’m happier when I share it. I think it’s my Italian side that I just love to feed people. Food is easily one of my love languages, and I use it often.

  1. British Television

Oh, how I love British TV. I can honestly be in the shittest mood ever, turn on something where everyone has an accent and I’m instantly happy. Also, it makes me really happy that they can say anything, show anything, and do anything on television. Don’t believe me…watch Embarrassing Bodies on Netflix, you won’t regret it. It is an experience, and it is so worth it.

  1. Harry Potter

If you know me and you knew this would be on the list. I am a Potterhead. Yes, I know that makes me a geek, but seriously I will fight over my fandoms (especially HP) and I’m not even ashamed of that fact. My anxiety can be a raging asshole, and he will come for me hard fuckin core, but the second Hedwig’s Theme plays, or I crack open the book…he sits down and shuts the fuck up. It is the one and the only thing in my life that works consistently, every time.

  1. Russell Howard

See, in number one I said that the quickest way to my Elsa heart (Frozen joke) is by making me laugh. Russell Howard never fails to do that. It’s so bad that lines from his stand-up come out of my mouth whenever they are situationally appropriate, and sometimes when they’re not. If you’ve never seen a Russell Howard stand-up there is one on Netflix, called Recalibrate. Or, if you don’t have Netflix, I suggest searching Russell Howard on YouTube.

  1. The New House

Buy a house, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. What they don’t tell you, is fun is only there like 50% of the time. The other 50 is full of leaking faucets, yard work, and a toilet that loves to run. A silver lining, I’ve learned how to fix a running toilet, and stop a faucet from leaking. It is fun, and it’s nice to finally have that permanent home base, or HQ as we call it. This is our place, our little corner of the world. The place where we will love and fight, raise babies in and send kids off to college from. If I had a hat, I’d hang it on the wall, because this is where we belong.

There ya have it. 10 things that make me happy. It’s a nice list if I do say so myself. A perfect reminder on the days when shit gets too hard. I’m smiling already. Until next time…

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The Buyer

My husband is selling our house.

I have watched people come and go, couples, families, single men and women, and not one of them has been right, so I sent them on their way. You see, our house was full at one point; I birthed and raised three beautiful daughters within these walls. I swear I can still hear their laughter trickling down the stairs, just as I can see my oldest coming through the door, face stained with tears, after her first heartbreak. Or my youngest learning how to navigate the spiral staircase and then looking to me for praise. There have been many a family meal set around this dining room table. I see small hands pressed against a storm door as I leave for work, and bright smiles when I return.

Our daughters learned their alphabet and multiplication at this island. These walls have heard arguments over bathrooms and squabbles over borrowed clothes without permission. My husband and I loved and laughed, here in our own little corner of the world. I’ve also seen these walls steeped in sadness, grief painting them a shade of grey.

A car door slams in the driveway – our next showing has arrived.

I make my way down the stairs in time to hear a woman say to her husband, “those stairs would be perfect to hang stockings from at Christmas.” I follow the young woman to the kitchen, and watch as she stands where I once stood, the place I last stood, before drifting upstairs to find her husband. Silently I follow, watching them. In my daughter’s bedroom the woman touches her hand to the wall.

“This was a child’s room. I had these same glow-in-the-dark stars when I was little.”

I know immediately that she feels it, this isn’t just a house to her, this is home. Stepping back and pressing a hand to my chest, a slow smile spreads across my face.

I have just found my buyer.

Things in the Works

Hiya friends, welcome back. Last week, I took a major step for myself and posted a short story of mine, and oh lord was I nervous. So, this week I wanted to chat about what I’m currently working on both writing wise and for this space.

Where to writer.jpgbegin? Okay, firstly, I’m working on a novel called The Demon’s Puppet. You know how authors will always say that a character in their writing somehow mirrors themselves. Well, this is easily the most honest I’ve ever been in my writing, mainly because my MC, a girl called Cam DeLuca, spends the entire story battling these demons, and just hoping to find a way to live her life with as little resistance as possible.

In terms where I am with this particular work, I’ve got a pretty solid plan on how the story unfolds and I’ve also got most of the characters involved mapped out and how they play into the overall plot. Another interesting thing to note, I text Tiff the other night and told her the original ending wasn’t gonna happen. In the character green room of my brain, Cam piped up and was adamant that the original ending wasCam wrong. Therefore a massive overhaul had to happen to my original plot in order to accommodate this new direction and ending. Seriously, being a writer can be annoying at times; other times you realize your characters are right and you were just being lazy.

Next project is a collaboration between, you guessed it, my favoritest friend author, Tiffany Crystal. I’m super excited about this project and it should be coming to you guys soon. The entire project is currently untitled, but we’ve given it the code name Alien. The reason I’m so excited about this project is because not only do I get to work with one of my favorite people, I also get to work with one of the most talented writers I know. So, Tiff and I have been creating worlds, characters, and plotting out this massive storyline. I’m not even sure how to sum up the the actual story, but I’m consulting Tiff to see what she thinks. This is the best I can give you right now, an alien planet, sneaky assholes, and a very fabulous prince (description approved by Tiff). Trust me, when we finally release the first part/chapter/whatever the fuck it’s gonna be, I think you’ll like it. I will definitely keep you updated on our progress and when you can expect something.

In terms of other creative endeavors, I am working on writing ait's funt least something every week for you guys. There should be short stories, flash fictions, maybe some random writings, and eventually the collab. Here’s hoping you enjoy all that.

Now, onto the blog stuff I have in the pipeline. Like I said earlier in the month, I’m looking to bring more of myself into this space. I have plans to launch a fun series that incorporates my love of baking and cooking with my love of books and movies, tentatively titled Book Bakes and Movie Munchies. I also look forward to sharing some of our home projects with you all. I mean, hopefully sometime in the future there will be a nursery project happening. Which leads nicely into the next section, writing about our journey to parenthood is going to be a big thing, and I’m sure I’ll be reading tons of parenting books and random shit like that.

I’m sure there are other things I’m forgetting but I’ll keep you updated either way. 2019 is gonna be a big and exciting year for all things Biblio, and I look forward to sharing the entire rollercoaster ride with you guys. Until next time…

The Puppet’s Maze

“Let’s see how you like it, shall we?” The Creator’s voice echoed from above.

The man stood frozen in place as the scene before him changed. The walls materialized first, the cold grey concrete rising toward an unseen ceiling. He’d watched this place spring into existence many times before and as much as he hated to say it, he was fascinated every time. The floor would change next. It was a lovely bed of grass at the moment, but soon it would be littered with broken glass and those small primary colored plastic blocks the human children loved.

The worst part was always the light, though. Usually, the clearing was lit by some form of ambient light; that changed when The Creator took over. It would be pitch black in a matter of moments.

Lastly, his own appearance would change, how this happened the man couldn’t understand. He had always considered himself a separate entity from the Creator, but he knew that soon enough, he would be stripped of his shoes, leaving his feet vulnerable to the glass scattered along his path. His dark suit, Italian made – not that the cost mattered here – replaced with shorts and one of those heinous ribbed white cotton tank tops.

It was always the same, the only thing that changed was the path he was forced to walk if he wanted out – once he regained control of his body, anyway. While he waited for The Creator to release her hold on him, he reminisced over the beginning of this all. Back then, he was able to find his way relatively quickly, but like everything that time touched, this too had evolved. The Maze had started out simple enough. He had even told The Creator as much, calling this an exercise in futility. The Creator had only laughed and changed the path again. The longer this had gone on, the harder the paths became – what used to take minutes was now hours of endless twists and turns.

Pop.

There went the lights.

“As Effie Trinket would say, ‘may the odds be ever in your favor’….Asshole.”

A small clang told him that the flashlight was on the floor at his feet and the path was set, The Creator released her hold on him – now he just had to find his way out.

He stooped and let his fingers dance over the ground, seeking out the metal of the flashlight. Finding it, the man straightened, standing to his full height and steeling himself to take that first step forward.

As his foot settled on top of the glass and plastic blocks, he felt the first shard break skin. His face twisted into a grimace and a growl escaped his mouth. He pressed on, the floor hadn’t always been like this. The first walk through this maze, the floor had been strewn with twigs, sticks, and rocks. He’d still had shoes, then. It was nothing, he had even laughed and danced a jig over them, mocking The Creator. The next time the maze had appeared, there had been random spots of quicksand. He’d found ways around it, there was still light then, and the sticks became his own sort of divining rods. Again, he had laughed at The Creator. The next version of the maze was not only dark, but he’d lost his shoes, and the quicksand had been replaced with childrens’ toys.

The changes didn’t stop there. The walls started out as shrubbery, which he had climbed. Then they were made of concrete and were too tall to scale. He had tried his damnedest anyway, and now they were covered with barbed wire.

The man continued his trek, stopping every few steps, searching for a way to cheat the maze. It took him a moment to realize there was soft earth was under his feet. Scanning the beam from the flashlight over the floor he noticed spots where the glass and toys were replaced with mounds of fresh dirt.

A smile broke out on his face, as he turned his face toward the blanket of darkness that stretched over him. “Oops, looks like someone isn’t paying attention anymore. You should know better by-” His words broke off as sharp stinging pains and a burning feeling broke out over his feet and lower legs.

A chuckle resonated around the maze, “Fire ants, Asshole. I thought they were a nice touch. Didn’t want you to think I’d forgotten about you. Hurts, don’t it?”

The man jumped back from the dirt mound and shined the beam on it. Thousands of skittering insects poured out of the hole. His screams of agony mingled with The Creators howls of laughter, creating a cacophony of sounds. He swatted and swiped at his own flesh.

Undeterred, the ants climbed higher – the pain radiating from his lower extremities becoming almost unbearable. Searching for a way to rid himself of the pests, he moved quickly through the twists and turns ahead of him.

A quick left found him standing in front of a small pond of crisp cool water. Without thinking, he dropped his flashlight and flung himself into the depths. He waited for the pain to abate, but quickly realized the stinging and burning was getting worse.

A muffled noise floated through the water to his ears. Pushing hard off the bottom, his head broke the surface to the sound of laughter everywhere. The man dragged his body onto the rocks surrounding the water as The Creator’s voice broke through the laughter.

“I don’t think I ever told you how much I love the ocean. It’s good for many things – sexy beach hair is all the rage topside. Unfortunately for you, Asshole, saltwater stings like a bitch if you have open wounds.”

The man lay on his back, in pain and breathing heavily. He knew he needed to focus to be able to navigate his way out of this hell.

The voice spoke from the darkness again, “I’m gonna help you out this once, mainly because I have big things planned for you. Purely selfish motivations here. Remember what the doctor said? You know, the one you called a hack? 4-7-8. In through the nose for four, hold it for seven, then exhale through your mouth for eight. Come on, up and at ‘em, Big Guy!” The Creator continued with false enthusiasm. “The fun isn’t over yet, and trust me you’re going to want to start moving soon.”

He could hear the amusement in The Creator’s voice, and thought about ignoring her, but his body seemed to follow the instructions without his consent. His heart was slowing down, and the pain seemed to be lessening. Flipping himself over, he pushed up onto his knees. Struggling to his feet, he gave the pain a moment to further subside, then, bending at the waist, the man scooped up the flashlight. Sweeping the beam around the perimeter of the pond, he stopped on the far wall. Even with the light, he could barely make out what it was, but there was definitely something moving.

With a start, he understood the game had changed again. There was something other than him in this maze. Something alive.

The Creator laughed from above him. “Uh-oh, Asshole. Looks like you have company.”

He was moving before he even processed what was happening. Pausing for a second to gain his bearings, he used the flashlight to light the darkness surrounding him. The path ahead was clear, at least as far as the light touched. The path to his right, where he’d come from didn’t look much different. He moved the beam of light along the floor, nothing unusual that he could see. It wasn’t until he lifted the beam from the floor that he saw them.

Fire ants the size of Pomeranians, with mandibles as big as his hands. With no time to think logically, he took the path straight ahead. He knew he needed to get out of there, to stay ahead of the things that were chasing him.

“Run, Forrest, run,” The Creator taunted him. “Don’t look now, Asshole, but your friends are gaining on you. I’m not trying to tell you how you should escape here, but I think you should consider moving a little quicker. Have you ever been bit by a fire ant that size? Imagine the swarm they’d create. The tiny ones hurt like a bitch; it just stands to reason the pain would get bigger with them.”

The man clutched his hand to his chest but kept moving. She’d never pushed him this far before.

“Your chest hurts, huh? Feels like your heart’s gonna beat right out of your chest. That happens when your fight or flight response kicks in, basically it changes the force of your heartbeat. Don’t worry you won’t die, fear can’t kill you, right?”

His racing heart was affecting his breathing, he was panting and knew he was slowing down.

“Your breathing seems to be changing, buddy. I bet it feels like there’s an elephant on your chest. Not being able to take a deep breath is really going to affect your escape,” her voice turned mocking. “4-7-8, Asshole, 4-7-8.”

The running man threw a quick glance over his shoulder, he could still see movement in the darkness. The walls were moving.

“You do realize there’s no escape this time, right? What did you call it before? ‘An exercise in futility’? Don’t you see what’s happening? Always boasting about how smart you are, but when it comes right down to it, you’re thick as pigshit. Oh, right. How could I know what you’re feeling?”

The realization slapped the man in the face. Anxiety. The feelings he was so good at creating in others, he had somehow missed in himself. His pace slowed until he was no longer sprinting.

“Welcome to the party. Took you long enough. Bet you didn’t even realize that the skittering creepy crawlies stopped about ten minutes ago. Fun fact: there was only two of them, it really is amazing how well the power of suggestion works on an already frazzled mind.”

He stopped and looked around. He was back at the beginning.

“It’s easy to change the rules when you’re the one making them,” the voice didn’t sound as far away now.

Spinning, the man saw her for the first time.

Seven years ago, when he decided to make her mind his new home, he had thought her weak. That had been his mistake. Back then, she was timid and easy to manipulate, but now there was a fierce and vibrant glow surrounding her.

Looking into her green eyes, he smiled at the defiance he found there. Even now she was daring him to try her.

Neither one spoke, but an understanding was formed in the silence. They were each here for a reason. He had assumed he held all the power, and in his arrogance, had underestimated his opponent. Lesson learned, he’d never make that mistake again.

Welcome Back!

happy new year

Happy New Year, my friends. First off, yes, I took a massive break, and I’ll explain everything in this post. Honestly, I’m happy to be back, and boy do we have some shit to talk about.

What a year I had in 2018, a big ol’ year of firsts. First year as homeowners. First houseguests. First time hosting a major holiday. Let’s talk about this stuff.

Many of you may know that last November, Hobbs and I purchased our first home. In this first year, we have turned this house into a home. The first floor has been painted and decorated. I let Hobbs choose the colors we used, and it should be noted he’s hoofin color blind. With that being said, he didn’t do too bad…except our dining Link.pngroom is a color called “Salamander” but seriously, it’s basically Link’s Tunic Green (not really shocking if you know Hobbs). The other colors were chosen, I suspect, for their names more than the actual hue. They all have space-related names, Hobbs is a nerd for space. Needless to say, the new paint made the house feel more like us. Also, as I write this I’m pricing out new dishwashers because ours shit the bed. Buying a house was a dream of ours, but man we were NOT prepared for how much money we were about to sink into it.

Let’s jump ahead to June, or as I like to refer to it, “The Summer of Friends.” Our best friends, who live across the country due to being in the military, came to stay for a whole 6 weeks. What an eye-opening experience this was, Hobbs and I don’t have kids (yet) and we had a lovely little look into what it would be like to be constantly surrounded by a 7-year-old and a toddler. To say we were tired every night is an understatement. Seriously, where do they get their energy? We loved every second of them being here, and had an absolute blast! I can honestly say I missed them when they left and might have had myself a mini cry as they drove off to the airport. All in all, it was a great summer!

Jumping into Fall/Winter. We hosted both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner this year. How the fuck I got through those meals with relatively low levels of anxiety…I will never know. There were 15 people in my house for both meals, and for Thanksgiving, I cooked the hoofin turkey!!! (I had never cooked a Turkey before, butfamily christmas.png let me tell you…I nailed it!) Honestly, I enjoyed having my whole family here, and it wasn’t as horrible as I initially thought it would be. I might even consider doing it again next year…don’t hold me to that though. Oh, before I forget, two honorable mentions for this section of my life…both my oldest nephew and my brother got engaged in the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I get a new sister-in-law, and a new niece-in-law (is that even a thing?). Also shocking…I like them both.

Those are really my highlights for this past year, and looking back it wasn’t too terrible. I mean, I’m gonna give it a solid 8 on the year-in-my-life scale. Not too shabby.

Now that we’ve looked back, shall we look ahead?

no resolutions.jpgThis year I refuse to make resolutions, mainly because I never fucking keep them. In place of hastily made resolutions, I’ve decided to implement some simple, yet well-placed, changes. Firstly, I’m gonna work on taking care of myself better, not just physically but mentally as well. To be fair, my mental health has taken a backseat and I think I’ve gotten myself as far as I can on my own. I’m taking my own advice and calling in some reinforcements. Wish me luck. Next, it’s time to get my shit together. The plan is to get myself on a schedule, that way I have time to write. I miss writing. I need to write more. I just want to have time to sit here and be creative without worrying over what’s not getting done. Lastly, Hobbs and I have made the decision that it’s time to start the family plan. We’ve been married 7 years and together almost 11, and we’ve been putting off the kids because there were things we wanted to do first (namely, buy a fucking house). Well, we’ve gone and done that, so let’s add tiny Hobbs and Biblios.

Don’t worry I have some plans for this space as well. There will be some changes and new things happening in the coming months, and I’m stoked to see if you guys like them. I’m gonna add in some more of myself, bring in more things I enjoy while still staying true to my first love, books. Stay tuned for that.

That’s it, my friends. My review of 2018 and the look forward to 2019. For the first time in quite a few years, I can honestly say I look forward to seeing what this year brings. I wish you all the very best in 2019, and I hope the new year inspires you to do whatever it is you’ve been wanting. Until next time…

A New Frontier

Hiya friends. Have you ever tried to step out of your comfort zone and try something new? I’m betting you have, BUT have you stepped so far out that you need to create a whole new world to inhabit? (Sorry, my brain went totally Aladdin here, and I’m on a flying carpet with a petty thief. But hey, he makes the fezzes are cool!) Okay, I’m back, wow, that went from Aladdin to the Doctor real fast.

I decided last year to try my hand at a completely different genre. See usually, I tend to write in the crime/murder mystery genre. Not this time peeps. My crazy ass friend Tiff (you guys might know her as Tiffany Crystal, check out the blog. I recommend Say ‘No’, you won’t regret it) talked me into giving sci-fi a try. Well, I’m an alien nerd (I mean, I have an alien in a jar, if that doesn’t prove my love for all things extra terrestrial and sci-fi I’m not sure what will), so I jumped at the chance. .

What I didn’t realize was just how much work I was signing on for. Who knew creating a world complete with religions, people, wardrobe…yeah now that I’m writing it out I’m not sure what I thought, but it definitely wasn’t going to be easy. Thank goodness for Tiff, otherwise I’d have drowned in the ocean off of Tecre (ahhh, inside jokes). Honestly, I have pretty much been lead by the hand through all of this world building, so much so that she actually got excited when I asked about trading and exports. She tells me she was quite proud, like I was a little birdie learning how to fly. (Hmmm…hold on while I make a note about animals on an alien planet)

It’s funny because I know how to create storylines with a plot twist (and sometimes some holes), characters, and setting, but the setting is usually REAL, or at least on Earth. Having to create literally everything not only can give one a bit of a God complex *lightning bolts and smiting* but it’s also really daunting. Oh, and let’s not forget the planet is just one hoofin part of it. Ever tried to create a language? Let’s just say I now have a newfound respect for George R.R. Martin and David J. Peterson for creating Dothraki, or Tolkien and his how many freaking languages, or Marc Okrand (if you don’t know that name look it up, but the title of this post should give you a hint).

It’s fun, and it’s definitely interesting and I know that it’ll be worth it when everything comes together and you guys are reading the end result. But right now it’s tough, and A LOT of work….and I haven’t even started on the actual writing part of it yet! Wish me luck, peeps. I’ll keep you updated on my progress and when you can expect to be able to read it. Until next time, my friends.

“Lasso My Tastebuds…”

Hey friends….welcome back. I know I’ve been absent for a while but I swear I have good reasons. I won’t talk about them yet, but I will soon and then we can all be on the same page. Right now, though I’m gearing up to go to a comedy show AGAIN, except this time it hasn’t been cancelled. I figured that means it’s a good time to give all of you guys a nice update on the CBD oil and how everything seems to be going so far.

First things first, tonight’s show is Kyle Kinane. He’s hilarious and if you haven’t seen or heard anything by him I highly recommend it. I’m super excited to go, and I can actually feel that now thanks to my little foray into CBD oil. I can honestly say that I was completely expecting to wake up this morning and be confronted with an incredible amount of anxiety and panic. Imagine my surprise when I woke up with not even an inkling of my previous nerves, I was feeling a bit crappy BUT for a completely different reason (ear muffs fellas) stupid owning a uterus.

Once I was fully awake I enjoyed my morning vape. Ohhhh, I left out that I got new oil and oh mama it is rather tasty, like yummy strawberry vanilla custard, pretty much cake people…my CBD oil tastes like cake! It was a step up to say the least, the last one tasted like toothpaste and they gave it a funny name Alpine Breeze, that’s false advertising if I’ve ever heard it….anyway, I digress.

My point is, I’ve been able to leave my house, and live amongst people (not that that’s any real great thing). Five months ago my life revolved around this computer, my cat and dog, and books….things are definitely improving and I gotta say it feels lovely. Now the general public gets to hear my amazing sarcasm and humor, lucky them huh?

Well, I hate to cut this short as it feels nice to be back here writing again, but it’s time to take off for my night filled with humor. I promise I won’t leave for that long again. Until next time…